Of course I know the dictum of R' Akviva, לעולם יהא אדם רגיל לומר כל דעביד רחמנא לתב עביד/a person should always accustom himself to say that everything HaShem does is for the good. I have even written a TftD about it. I do my best. Still... often it feels like HaShem is giving me challenges to overcome. Of course I get stronger/wiser/better, so the result is good, but the actual challenge feels more like a burden.
Take my 50 years in the workforce, for example. It certainly taught me the value of time. It taught me that I needed to keep learning more things if I wanted to stay working and getting raises. I needed to come up with creative ways to make time for learning (around my work schedule), and exercise to stay healthy (around my work schedule), and find ways to eat kosher economically (in the workplace). Many of those skills have transferred to my new workplace and schedule. I still get up early to learn and daven; so now I have more time during the day. I still keep up my exercise; I need to keep myself healthy and alert to learn properly. I also still prepare my lunches for the week on Sundays so I just have to grab one between my morning and afternoon activities.
But I have never really thought of my stint in the workplace as anything but a challenge to overcome. I do not miss anything about my time there.
Then I heard the Rosh Kollel speak at a parlor meeting for the kollel last week. Simple question: We call this time of counting the omer as a preparation for receiving the Torah. Usually, though, the preparations for something are things without which you can't have that something. You can't have chicken soup without preparing the chicken. It sure seems like HaShem could appear on little Har Sinai and read us the 10 commandments without us counting.
The Rosh Kollel focused on receiving the Torah. Of course HaShem can give us the Torah without us counting, but we can't receive the Torah with building our חשק/passion/ardor for have the Torah. Building that חשק/passion/ardor takes time and the right environment. For Klal Yisrael, that was the midbar and the 49 days of counting with anticipation. For me, it was 50 years in the workplace. After 50 years of looking for opportunities to understand Truth, each day looking forward with anticipation to have the time to really delve into Torah and give it the time I needed to absorb it. Of course, I didn't even know what I was seeking at first, but in retrospect, it was all leading to the life I am now leading. Every delay and every conflict is actually increasing that ardor. Finally (apparently), I am ready!
I was telling a little of this to my soon-to-be-bas-mitzvah granddaughter. She appreciated the vort about counting the omer. ("That's a great d'var Torah for Shabbos," she said.) Then I told her that 45 years ago her bubbie had to make a decision. She was a manager for a large department store in Salt Lake City. One day she told them that she needed Saturdays off. It was Salt Lake City and this department store was closed on Sundays. They told her, "You can't have Saturdays off and be a department manager. We want to send you to management training classes because we really think you can move up. But you will have to work on Saturdays to do that." Bubbie, obviously, chose Shabbos. She had to quit and take a menial job in the book bindery of the university library.
I told my granddaughter, "Can you imagine? That one decision and we started on the path to Shabbos and Torah observance. Can you imagine if she had chosen the other way?" "Oh no! I wouldn't be Jewish?!" "No, honey, of course you would still be Jewish, but you wouldn't have Shabbos and Torah."
I wish I had recorded her next words: Thank you, Bubbie!!
You almost never realize which decisions you make each day are the really important ones. You rarely can pinpoint a critical decision made years earlier that changed your whole life and the life of your progeny and the world.
Thank you, HaShem!
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