Anyone who has been married for more than a couple of days knows there are ups and downs in any relationship. Anyone who has been married for several decades knows that the different pressures we endure during different stages of our life -- first married, starting to have children, building a career while paying for tuitions and camp, empty nesting, even -- I have heard -- some people have to get used to the husband retiring. Even the best and strongest marriages have endured difficult times. In fact, just as any other area of growth, those challenges are precisely what contributed to the strength of the marriage. That being said, there are some challenges that still make us uncomfortable years later. We are overjoyed that we were able to remain strong, but the mistakes can still haunt us as we strive to never make those kinds of mistakes again.
Our relationship with HaShem as His chosen nation is no different. We are living in galus now. Still His chosen nation, but still separating and living the consequences of the mistakes we made while working to repair the relationship so we can return home; May that be soon and in our lifetime. The annual commemoration of Tisha b'Av certainly reminds of the mistakes we made and the work we still have to do bring back the Beis HaMikdash; May it be rebuilt soon and in our lifetime. Nonetheless, to me, the sin of the golden calf feels so much more scary. On that day there was a palpable threat to our existence.
That's why I was shocked to learn (Shabbos 17a) of an event that Chazal described as קָשֶׁה לְיִשְׂרָאֵל כַּיּוֹם שֶׁנַּעֲשָׂה בּוֹ הָעֵגֶל/difficult for Klal Yisrael as the day the calf was made. What?! Really?! The event?Shammai and Hillel had a disagreement. The talmidim stuck a sword in the entrance to the beis medrash and said, "Anyone can enter, but no one leaves." -- They wanted to force a vote then and there -- Hillel sat כפוף -- a posture of subordination -- like one of the talmidim in front of Shammai. That is what the gemara describes as קָשֶׁה לְיִשְׂרָאֵל כַּיּוֹם שֶׁנַּעֲשָׂה בּוֹ הָעֵגֶל/difficult for Klal Yisrael as the day the calf was made. Rashi comments on the word קָשֶׁה/difficult: לפי שהלל נשיא וענוותן/because Hillel was the president and a humble person.
Ok... so if you had asked me before learning that gemara what was so bad about the day the golden calf was made, I certainly would have said the avoda zara, or at least the appearance of avoda zara. But... there is no avoda zara nor anything like it here. Moreover, I found that same expression -- קָשֶׁה לְיִשְׂרָאֵל כַּיּוֹם שֶׁנַּעֲשָׂה בּוֹ הָעֵגֶל/difficult for Klal Yisrael as the day the calf was made -- describing when the sages were forced to translate the chumash into Greek. Now, though, I am forced to rethink that... along the lines of a great quote from H. L. Mencken: For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.
I have spent hours on this gemara. Looking through sources, discussing with talmidei chachamim, and just plain rolling everything over and over in my mind. There is a lot here. A profound depth that I feel needs more time. But at the core is a basic tension between חסד/grace/kindness and גבורה/valor/strength.
What happened on that day when the calf was made? Aaron HaKohen, the epitome of חסד/grace/kindness was passively subjugated to גבורה/valor/strength -- that is, Klal Yisrael did not stand up to the eruv rav to prevent a disastrous tragedy. What happened in beis medrash that day? Hillel, another icon of חסד/grace/kindness is subordinated to Shammai, who represents גבורה/valor/strength. When the Written Torah -- the letter of the Law which is גבורה/valor/strength -- was translated into Greek, it was perforce separated from the Oral Torah -- the חסד/grace/kindness of HaShem's love for the world.
On that day in beis medrash, what finally happened? A vote was taken and the result was in favor of Shammai. However, Klal Yisrael did not accept the decree. Later the schools of Shammai and Hillel met to discuss the same issue, took a vote, and now the decree was accepted by Klal Yisrael.
Of course we need גבורה/valor/strength! But עוֹלָם חֶסֶד יִבָּנֶה/the world is built on grace and kindness (T'hillim 89:3). חסד/grace/kindness can never be subordinate to גבורה/valor/strength.
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