I have a pet peeve that rankles every year about this time. I know it is meant with the best of intentions... but we all know the path to you-know-where is paved with those. I have learned to stay calm and (mostly) just sigh when I get a card that says, "In lieu of mishloach manos, a donation has been made in your name to <local/international incredibly worthy charity>." I am quite touched that someone thought about me when making that donation to <local/international incredibly worthy charity>, and I am really very happy that <local/international incredibly worthy charity> has more funds to continue and extend their incredible work. However, it ain't in lieu of nuttin. (Oh does my poor grammar rankle? See what I mean?)
Chazal decreed that we should hear Megillas Esther twice (night and morning), have a wine meal, give money to the poor, and also to send two portions of food to a friend. That last bit is encoded in Shulchan Aruch Orach Chaim 695:4 (which is the siman on the purim meal). Right there it says: a person is obligated to send two portions of (different) meats or other foods to one person וכל המרבה לשלוח לרעים משובח/and all who sends to more friends is praiseworthy. Nothing about two brachos, nothing about giving to a worthy charity, just giving some (nearly)ready to eat foods for your friend(s) to enjoy at their festive meal.
On the other hand, one should spend more on מתנות לאביונים/gifts to the poor/destitute than on משלוח מנות. On the other, other hand, the Biur Halacha brings an opinion that if the משלוח מנות is not in accordance with the financial status of the receiver, then one has not fulfilled his obligation. It is a bit of a quandary with a tight budget, but this is what we do.
To fulfill the essential mitzvah of משלוח מנות in the best way, my wife and I choose one friend each as our "designated משלוח מנות receiver". We make a very nice package -- this year it was a bottle of sparkling grape juice and a tin of shortbread cookies. (Yes, pareve, yoshon, and kosher.) Some years I choose someone with whom I have had some difficulties (not hard for me, as you can imagine, as I am pretty cantankerous). Other years it is someone I feel particularly close to or has done something very nice for me. Bottom line: If you ever get one from me, don't overthink it, just enjoy it.
Then, in order to fulfill וכל המרבה לשלוח לרעים משובח we make up something small, but tasteful. We strive for something that could actually be used at part of the festive meal. We need to keep it minimalist so we can distribute a lot of them (about 50 this year). This year was a bag of pretzels, a bag of fine herbal tea, and a honey straw -- all packed tastefully and attractively in a hot cup. Suitable for enjoying at the meal, before the meal while waiting for guests, or in your car as you drive around delivering your own משלוח מנות to all the rabei'im and teachers of your children.
We realized a wee problem after Purim. Does a tea bag count? On the one hand, it is certainly as chashuv as a bag of pretzels, but it isn't ready to eat -- it needs to have hot water added. No worries, the Mishna Brura, sk 19, notes there are authorities who permit something that is ready to be cooked as well as ready to eat. But... does one actually eat tea? First of all, drinks are included (same sk). On the other hand, you don't actually drink/eat the tea... you drink water infused from the tea leaves. The Mishna Brura doesn't say a word, but the Dirshu does! Section 43 notes that sending instant/dried potatoes is good. Instant coffee powder, not good. Third paragraph of section 43: Flavorings and tea -- which are not eaten by themselves -- R' Elyashiv said: doesn't work; except sugar, since people suck on that.
Sugar? So honey should certainly be good, right? Yes! Score! I checked with the dayan, R' Fuerst, shilta, before writing this. Honey works as one of the portions.
Please note that this TftD is not in lieu of anything. It is a fulfillment of my daily obligation to make innovative discoveries in my Torah learning and share them.
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