We owe many categories of people a certain measure of כבוד. I shy away from using the usual translation of "respect", as the parameters of what we call כבוד go far beyond what the world considers "showing respect". Standing up for a parent or talmid chacham might be considered going above and beyond the call of duty by the world, but it is bread a butter כבוד. I don't believe that the idea of not contradicting them doesn't even enter in the world's mind. Include that showing כבוד means one that one is not allowed to even voice an imprimatur of their parent's or rebbi's words, and the world's eyes just glaze over. Nonetheless, that is all just bread and butter כבוד for us.
On the other hand, walk into most Jewish homes and you will not find the children popping up even twice a day when their parents walk into the room. (There certainly are families who exemplify this trait quite beautifully and I feel fortunate to know them; they remain, though in the minority.) Why? Simple; parents are allowed to forgo the כבוד due them by their children. Given the spiritual environment of present day America, it is usually a good idea to forgo some -- if not all -- of the כבוד due a parent. You will find a similar, though admittedly less liberal forgoing of כבוד by talmidei chachamim. Especially with so many of us newly religious, the talmid chacham often forgoes his כבוד simply because we are so clueless about our obligations.
All well and good for a parent and talmid chacham. However, a king absolutely may not forgo his honor -- מלך שמחל על כבודו אין כבודו מחול/even the king himself cannot forgo his honor. Intellectually interesting, you may remark, but hardly relevant to my daily life. I beg to differ; we ask HaShem -- מלך המלכים/the King of kings -- to pardon us all the time. In the 6th bracha (3rd request) of Shmone Esrei, we ask HaShem -- as our Father -- to forgive us; then we ask HaShem -- as our King -- to pardon us. How can we do that, knowing that מלך שמחל על כבודו אין כבודו מחול?
You may try this approach: I am not asking for a breach of כבוד, but for transgressing his Torah. See above, there is no greater breach of כבוד than flagrantly flouting the will of any king directly to his face. All the more so HaShem, מלך המלכים, before Whom we stand/sit/exist at all times and every moment. How, then, do we have the chutzpah to stand in a formal meeting with our Creator and request something that is (seemingly) explicitly forbidden by His Torah -- מלך שמחל על כבודו אין כבודו מחול. Why not ask for bacon to be kosher while you are at it?
I worried about this for some time. I asked around and looked around; nothing satisfactory. I didn't change the words of my davening, but I sure wondered what I was really requesting and what I was missing about כבוד and/or מחילה. One night on the way to ma'ariv, I has the opportunity to cross the street with a talmid chacham and deep thinker. So I took the opportunity to ask. As often happens, the entire problem evaporated with one clarification of מחילה regarding כבוד. Namely, when we say that מלך שמחל על כבודו אין כבודו מחול, we mean to make permissible future behavior. For example, when it comes to a parent forgoing their כבוד; it means that they allow the children to sit in their chair and to no refrain from standing when the parent enters the room. In the future, then, when the child contradicts the parent or sits in his place, there is no breach in כבוד, because the parent has already declared this he feels no lack of כבוד in those situations. It is the parent's (Torah given) כבוד, so the parent can forgo it.
Not so the כבוד of a king. That כבוד does not belong to the king; that כבוד is simply part and parcel of how the Torah defines מלכות. Any breach in כבוד remains irrevocably a sin. What about our Shmone Esrei, then? We are not asking, chas v'shalom, to allowed to violate any mitzvah in the future! We are asking only to be pardoned for past transgressions. That is a king's power to grant.
With this I believe we can understand why a public Chillul HaShem is the one sin that t'shuva cannot expiate; only death can bring the final expiation for a public Chillul HaShem. Why? Because while once can certainly ask forgiveness and even pardon for the act that caused the Chillul HaShem, it can't get it out of people's minds. A public Chillul HaShem is an ongoing event. (See Rashi, who explains that Bilaam's donkey had to die, for otherwise people would be able point to it and say, "There's the animal that publicly embarrassed a human being.")
I now feel better about my Shmone Esrei and much more nervous about even the possibility of being associated with a public Chillul HaShem. השם ישמרנו
On the other hand, walk into most Jewish homes and you will not find the children popping up even twice a day when their parents walk into the room. (There certainly are families who exemplify this trait quite beautifully and I feel fortunate to know them; they remain, though in the minority.) Why? Simple; parents are allowed to forgo the כבוד due them by their children. Given the spiritual environment of present day America, it is usually a good idea to forgo some -- if not all -- of the כבוד due a parent. You will find a similar, though admittedly less liberal forgoing of כבוד by talmidei chachamim. Especially with so many of us newly religious, the talmid chacham often forgoes his כבוד simply because we are so clueless about our obligations.
All well and good for a parent and talmid chacham. However, a king absolutely may not forgo his honor -- מלך שמחל על כבודו אין כבודו מחול/even the king himself cannot forgo his honor. Intellectually interesting, you may remark, but hardly relevant to my daily life. I beg to differ; we ask HaShem -- מלך המלכים/the King of kings -- to pardon us all the time. In the 6th bracha (3rd request) of Shmone Esrei, we ask HaShem -- as our Father -- to forgive us; then we ask HaShem -- as our King -- to pardon us. How can we do that, knowing that מלך שמחל על כבודו אין כבודו מחול?
You may try this approach: I am not asking for a breach of כבוד, but for transgressing his Torah. See above, there is no greater breach of כבוד than flagrantly flouting the will of any king directly to his face. All the more so HaShem, מלך המלכים, before Whom we stand/sit/exist at all times and every moment. How, then, do we have the chutzpah to stand in a formal meeting with our Creator and request something that is (seemingly) explicitly forbidden by His Torah -- מלך שמחל על כבודו אין כבודו מחול. Why not ask for bacon to be kosher while you are at it?
I worried about this for some time. I asked around and looked around; nothing satisfactory. I didn't change the words of my davening, but I sure wondered what I was really requesting and what I was missing about כבוד and/or מחילה. One night on the way to ma'ariv, I has the opportunity to cross the street with a talmid chacham and deep thinker. So I took the opportunity to ask. As often happens, the entire problem evaporated with one clarification of מחילה regarding כבוד. Namely, when we say that מלך שמחל על כבודו אין כבודו מחול, we mean to make permissible future behavior. For example, when it comes to a parent forgoing their כבוד; it means that they allow the children to sit in their chair and to no refrain from standing when the parent enters the room. In the future, then, when the child contradicts the parent or sits in his place, there is no breach in כבוד, because the parent has already declared this he feels no lack of כבוד in those situations. It is the parent's (Torah given) כבוד, so the parent can forgo it.
Not so the כבוד of a king. That כבוד does not belong to the king; that כבוד is simply part and parcel of how the Torah defines מלכות. Any breach in כבוד remains irrevocably a sin. What about our Shmone Esrei, then? We are not asking, chas v'shalom, to allowed to violate any mitzvah in the future! We are asking only to be pardoned for past transgressions. That is a king's power to grant.
With this I believe we can understand why a public Chillul HaShem is the one sin that t'shuva cannot expiate; only death can bring the final expiation for a public Chillul HaShem. Why? Because while once can certainly ask forgiveness and even pardon for the act that caused the Chillul HaShem, it can't get it out of people's minds. A public Chillul HaShem is an ongoing event. (See Rashi, who explains that Bilaam's donkey had to die, for otherwise people would be able point to it and say, "There's the animal that publicly embarrassed a human being.")
I now feel better about my Shmone Esrei and much more nervous about even the possibility of being associated with a public Chillul HaShem. השם ישמרנו
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