Michael el Chayil

Synopsis Having rejected the arguments of the philosopher/scientist, the king of Kuzar turns toward the "organized religion" -- Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. He rejects Judaism immediately because is practitioners are few and despised. The king decides to start with the Christian scholar and gets a quick overview: G-d revealed Himself to the Jews and gave them His Torah. On this point there is no argument; it is an accepted historical fact. At some point G-d decided to put Himself into human form and masquerade as a prophet; this was the messiah. Most of the Jews rebelled against the messiah, so G-d rejected them; leaving the messiah with only twelve followers. Those twelve followers became the replacement for the twelve tribes. Now everyone who follows after the messiah and his original followers are the real Children of Israel, even though none of them are actually descendants of Jacob. And even though we call G-d three, He is really one. The king has a very...

These are my notes on learning the Kuzari. This is not a translation nor even a commentary, simply my notes and thoughts. Synopsis The Kuzari begins by giving a background story. The king of the Kuzars had dedicated himself to exacting service to G-d according to the strict dictates of his religion. One night an angel came to him in a dream to tell him that G-d was pleased with the king's intentions, but not with his actions. The dreams were persistent, and eventually the king decided that he would have to seek the true path to service of G-d. With that as a background, the king first turns to a scientist/philosopher. (In those days anyone who pursued a career that was not involved in day to day living was called a philosopher. That eventually divided into natural philosophy -- which became science -- and supernatural philosophy. Hence, my use of the term scientist/philosopher.) The scientist tells him that of course there is a creator; but the creator is not involved i...

I can do anything! In the very first few moments of Yom Kippur we proudly announce with raised voice, "Baruch Shem Kavod Malchoso l'Olam va'Ed!" -- Blessed be the glory of His Kingdom for ever and ever! This statement is usually said quietly, in an undertone, for only the angels dare make this proclamation aloud. But on Yom Kippur, we -- klal Yisrael -- achieve that lofty status and are also permitted to proclaim aloud the glory and eternity of the Kingdom of Heaven. And we achieve that from the very onset of Yom Kippur. All night and all day, we fast in order that our prayers should be uninterrupted with the needs of the physical body. We make ourselves as spiritual as possible and show ourselves and our bodies who is boss. HaShem is our King and we are His faithful servants. For more than 25 hours we dedicate ourselves to His service. In the last moments of this most holy of days we escort the Sh'china -- HaShem's Holy Presence -- up through the s...

Suppose someone gave you $10,000 each and every day. A wealthy benefactor who asks for nothing in return. I would think that at the very least, one ought to feel and expression his appreciation. But this benefactor doesn't even expect that in exchange for your daily allowance. Pretty good deal, don't you think? Now, if he stops giving you that allowance one day, could you possibly have any complaints? Does it enter your mind to have complaints? What about if you were rude to his children, took his stuff without asking and used it for things he didn't like. And he *still* kept giving you the allowance? Maybe after a few years he drops the allowance to $9,500 per day. Not out of spite, but just in hopes you will stop the damage... and, of course, that $500 a day doesn't come close to covering the expenses to clean up after your messes. Now you are thinking, "No one is going to give me $10,000 a day; no one is even going to give me $10 a day for nothing,...

In the parsha of "trumas hadeshen" (removing the ashes from the altar), the kohein is told to change his clothes before continuing with the rest of his daily duties (Vayikra 6:4). Rashi comments, "This is not an obligation, rather it is derech eretz ; that he shouldn't wear his normal working clothes and get them dirty while taking out the ashes. The clothing in which one cooks the food for his master is not the same clothing one wears when serving wine to his master." Rashi's comment is difficult for at least two reasons. First, if it is not an obligation, then why does the Torah command it? Second, if the the reasoning is as clear as the example, then why would Torah need to mention something so obvious? The first question we can answer from a Rashi in Eruvin, 104b. The mishna there says that a cohein is allowed to put a bandage on a wound on his hand while working in the mikdash on shabbos. This is another example of "ein shvus b'mikdas...

Attitude of the Giver and Attitude of the Receiver The Sifsei Chaim notes that the Chovos ha'l'Lavos seems to have contradictory statements regarding his impression of both givers and receivers of chesed. "I am amazed", says the Chovos ha'l'Lavos, "by those who expect gratitude for doing a chesed for someone." The Chovos ha'l'Lavos has explained that no one can damage or benefit another by even a mustard seed worth of value, for "hakol bidei shamayim" -- everything is in the hands of heaven. So that means that that the receiver is not really obligated to be grateful to someone who only carried out the Will of the Creator and brought His decree to fruition, right? Continues the Chovos ha'l'Lavos, "I am amazed by those people who do not have hakaras hatov for others who try to benefit them, even if they are not able to carry out their good intentions." Hmmm... and to make matters even worse, the Chovos ha'l...

Life after that first conversion was not much different quantitatively, but there had been a shift in direction. I had been forced to choose to be Jewish, and I would never again take my Jewishness for granted. I wouldn't say that it was constantly on my mind, but it was certainly always at the back of my mind. A lot happened in our personal lives over those next few years. We had to find a level of observance that was comfortable and livable. Comfortable regarding how are personal level of commitment jived with our actions. Livable regarding balancing both our level of commitment as individuals and our commitment as a couple. There was also the commitment to each other. I think last component is not always given the attention is needs. We tried to make everything we did a mutual decision. For example, for a long time we kept kosher in the house but ate out in restaurants. At this point I want to stress that I am not making any recommendations; I am simply recording what w...

Our second wedding was really a very small affair. On the other hand, it had the fanciest k'suva (you are welcome to see it if you like). Besides being fancy, it has two cute deficiencies. First, one of the witnesses is a woman; which renders it pusul. Even better though... it has the wrong date on it! In the Rabbi's office I mentioned that Debbie and I would probably always be arguing about which anniversary to celebrate, the first wedding or this one. "No problem", said one of the authorities present, "we'll just date it Aug 7; it doesn't really matter anyway." How right he was; I should have realized something was wrong at that point. Oh well...

Modeh -- Saying thank you and admitting the truth. More from The Sifsei Chaim in Midos v'Avodas HaShem, as filtered by me. The word "modeh" in lashon hakodesh can mean either "gratitude" or "admission". In fact, it really expresses a concept that means both. The midrash, in fact, makes a seemingly strange connection: Leah was a ba'alas ho'da'ah and produced children who were ba'alei ho'da'ah. Leah expressed ho'da'ah when her fourth son was born and so named him Yehuda, Yehuda expressed ho'da'ah when he admitted (was modeh) that Tamar was innocent and he was guilty. The midrash is comparing the ho'da'ah which was thanks and praise, to the ho'da'ah of Yehudah which was an admission of guilt -- a very public and embarrassing admission of guilt, in fact. What relation is there between those feelings of love and enthusiasm for being blessed with a fourth son have to do with the the feelings of a t...

I never really did convince the Rabbi that I needed a real conversion, but I did have the support of the (Conservative Jewish) cantor, a few other friends, and my wife. So now all I needed was to "do the deed", so to speak. A real conversion requires three things for a man (two, as will be obvious, of a woman). Acceptance of the mitzvos in front of a Bais Din (Jewish Tribunal) Mikveh (Ritual Immersion) Bris Mila (circumcision for the sake of being Jewish) or (if one is already circumcised) Hatafas Dam (literally, "a drop of blood" We all decided that the acceptance of mitvos part was taken care of my by Bar Mitzvah. We only needed mikveh and hatafas dam. In case it wasn't obvious, by the way, not any drop of blood would do; it had to be blood from the same place it would come in case of a full circumcision. Of course, being as this was Salt Lake City we had neither mohel nor mikveh. But we did have a Jewish urologist who did all the circumcisions for bris ...

In the parasha, "Va'yeitei", when Rochel Imeinu finally becomes pregnant and gives birth, the Torah quotes her as declaring, "Elokim has removed my shame." (B'reishis 30:23). Rashi quoting chazal explains her to be referring to the following idea: As long as a women does not have a son, she has no one on whom to blame her mistakes. One she has a son, she can blame him. "Who broke this dish?" "Your son." "Who ate the figs?" "Your son." Is it possible not to be shocked by these words?  Rashi says that the simple, plain meaning of these words and the revealed reason that Rochel Imeinu -- who has waited years to have a child, constantly davening and working on her midos -- is to have someone to blame?!?  And she even names her first son as a memorial to that idea! "Sichos Mussar" (R' Chaim Shmulevitz), explains that this showed the great importance that the Avos haK'doshim gave to Shalom Bayis. ...

Hakaras haTov -- How far? Another interesting ha'ara from the Sifsei Chaim, Midos v'Avodas haShem. After the burning bush incident, where Moshe Rabbeinu was told in a direct navu'a from haShem to go to Mitzrayim to bring out Klal Yisrael (and all the back and forth there), we have pasuk 4:18: Moshe left and returned to Yeser his father-in-law, etc. Rashi brings the M'chilta on that verse that says that Moshe was asking to leave because he had promised his father-in-law not leave Midian without permission. The medrash explains that Moshe had made the promise because of his hakaras hatov to Yisro. Now wait a minute... the entire klal yisrael is languishing in Mitzrayim, it is time for them to be redeemed, and Moshe is the chosen redeemer. Yet Moshe Rabbeinu needs his father-in-law's permission? And just what was the chesed that Yisro had done for Moshe? Yisro had invited Moshe in for a meal. And why did Yisro invite Moshe in for a meal? Because Moshe had just ...

In z'chus of a r'fu'ah shleima for Rafael Ze'ev ben Miriam. Yeshivas Chafetz Chaim is asking people to commit to at least 10 minutes of mussar per day to add to the many merits of Rafael Ze'ev ben Miriam to bring him a r'fu'ah shleima min haShamayim, r'fuas haNefesh u'r'fu'as haGuf. I will be happy to forward the form to anyone who wants to officially participate. The official request is from now till January 20. I decided as part of my own acceptance to learn that I would also accept to, bli neder, publish something I have learned from my mussar seder to this blog at least three times per week. Saying over what I have learned should make the lesson more ingrained in me and thus a better limud. Here goes... It says in Avos 1:15: "Shamai omer:... hevei m'kabel es kol ha'adam b'seiver panim yafos." I heard from R' Avigdor Miller, z'tzl, that one should analyze each word: panim: from "lifnos", to turn...

In Salt Lake City we made a lot of friends and had a very positive experience with the Jewish community. I started teaching sunday school (7th grade; and found out I am not good with middle-schoolers). My wife became a "kosher cop" of sorts. She would go to various establishments and verify that they used only kosher ingredients and therefore could be used at the synagogue. We went to adult education classes in making Shabbat. We helped organize events for Jewish students at the university. We went to services every Friday night and Saturday morning. I also went most Sundays, Mondays, and Thursdays; and I bought my first pair of t'fillin. Basically, we were enjoying being active members of our synagogue and the Jewish community. We also learned how to make a Jewish home by spending times with Jews in their homes... especially Shabbos and holidays. One of those Friday nights out (we drove on Shabbos in those days) while discussing our family history, I mentioned ...

There is a memorial just outside of Salt Lake City called the "This is the Place" Monument. I thought, "Cool! They have a sense of humor about their religion." Thus began my education about living in Utah. They were serious. Brigham Young had woken up from a fever long enough to say the very deeply inspiring and wise words (note sarcasm), "This is the place"... and they had memorialized! They didn't even try to make it sound better. Good grief. Thus began my education about religion outside of California. Namely, some people honestly took their religious beliefs seriously! I was shocked. I'd grown up in California... you could be different religions and it was no more important that wearing different styles or enjoying different cuisine. But here, in Salt Lake City, people actually took their beliefs seriously. In fact, everyone took their beliefs and/or non-beliefs seriously. Religion was so "in your face" that no one could...

Since you have just seen one example and because you'll see a lot more, I wanted to emphasize that my wife, our children, our friends, and I did not progress at the same rate. While reading the last entry, my wife was pleased with the way our differences were portrayed and emphasized to me that the differences need to continue to be portrayed. That is also part of the journey. It is very common for a married couple to move at different rates in their acceptance and embracing of new ideas and behaviors. Part of any good marriage is personal and mutual growth. I am sure that is obvious. What may be less obvious is the special challenge of religious growth -- especially in modern western civilization where everything *except* religion has value. All the more so "organized" religion. Moreover, Orthodox/Torah Judaism has a world view which is totally at odds with the prevailing culture. So I will do my best to present how we handled those difference; both as encourageme...

This goes into the hall of fame for famous last words. This was when my wife first realized that what she thought of as my weird sense of humor might have a darker side. Here's what led up to that statement: We had just arrived in Salt Lake City and were moving into our apartment in married student housing. I was emptying out our ice chest to the refrigerator... and tossing out the cold cuts we had brought for our two day drive across Nevada and Utah from South Lake Tahoe. "What are you doing?", she asked me; a bit incredulous. "We decided to start keeping kosher when we got to Salt Lake City, remember?" "I thought you were kidding." Ok... let me fill in a few details of how we went from that first seder to Salt Lake City. (Salt Lake City?!? UTAH??? Uh.... yes.) After that seder I knew I was not Reform, but I didn't know what I yes was. I figured I must be Conservative. Truth be told, I had leanings in that direction anyway. The synago...

Our first seder after getting married. One bedroom apartment in married student housing, us and four guests: a Catholic friend from grad school and his fiance (also Catholic, of course), and a Jewish friend with his "significant other" ( not Jewish, of course). We got the good hard-cover Union haggadas and had just finished the whole thing. Said all the text, sang all the songs (as best as we could...), and gotten all the way to the back hard cover. No plagues. No allusion to plagues. We had a JPS bible that my wife had gotten for her Bat Mitzvah. I found my way to the book of Exodus, then to the the Moses meeting with Pharoh. "Yes! Look! Plagues. I knew there were plagues." In retrospect, I realize that that was the beginning for me; the first step on the journey that let to where I am today. I'd grown up nominally reform. That is, at home we lit chanuka candles, didn't have a christmas tree. At my (paternal) grandparents house we had a passov...

So say our sages. What is the difference between this and "the longest journey starts with a single step"? The problem with that statement is that small journeys, even accidental journeys also start with a single step. When our sages tell us that "all beginnings are difficult"... they also mean to tell us that if it is not difficult, then it is not a beginning. This should not be disheartening... rather encouraging; for when you want to really start something there are always road blocks. Road blocks should not, therefore, make you feel like "this is a sign that I shouldn't be doing this." Exactly the opposite, those road blocks may indeed be a sign... a sign that you are embarking on something important and real. It is with this in mind that I am beginning to write how I went from agnostic/atheist scientist to ultra-orthodox (jewish) scientist. It didn't happen over night.... more like 30 years and counting. There were times of big changes...

Accidents... A boy here in Chicago a few days ago, a boy in Silver Spring yesterday. Crossing the street. It has to happen thousands and thousands of times a day. But these two boys didn't make it. They are in serious condition, and we all hope for a complete recovery. Regardless of the outcome, however, how will those drivers face themselves? Can they really be blamed? Busy streets, big cars... it is a recipe for disaster and we should really be thankful whenever we *do* make it across in one piece. But events of this type do and should remind us that ultimately, we are not in charge. There are thousands of factors that are not in our control. HaShem runs the world. What about, though, when someone intends to damage us? Our attitude, says the Chovos Levavos, should really be the same. The Chovos Levavos says in Sha'ar haBitachon (The Gate of Trust) that we need to know that nothing, no person and no thing, can hurt us or help us even the smallest amount unless with...