While we have lost the physical presence of R' Ezriel Cziment, shlita, at least we still have access to his weekly chumash shiur. I was particularly moved by this week's shiur, A Yid Is Never Lost. Today, erev Shabbos, is also erev Rosh Chodesh Av. We hope for the best, but we prepare for anything, so we are looking forward with some trepidation to the "Nine Days", culminating with the fast of Tisha b'Av. This week we have a double portion, מטות-מסעי. Because it is a double portion, and it is nearly always a double portion, parashas מסעי doesn't always get the attention it deserves.
There is another reason that מסעי doesn't get so much attention... It begins with a listing of the 42 stops that Klal Yisrael made in the wilderness over the preceding 40 years. Yep, just a listing; a double listing actually, as each new start begins with where they were when they started; which is, nothing but where they stopped, as listed in the previous verse. 42 stops. Just the names of the places.
Here's the thing, though, the reader is not allowed to break those up. All 42 need to be said in order and in one aliyah. Here's another thing: Why do all these places have names anyway? Klal Yisrael was in an unsettled wilderness. Chazal also tell us that these 42 stops correspond to the 42 letter name of HaShem. Rashi says he doesn't know what name that is. Tosofos have a suggestion. I just want to note that I barely know what the four letter name means. What am I supposed to get out of this?
R' Cziment said at a level of simple understanding, we need to know that each stop was carefully planned. This was not: Oh this looks like a nice place; Look! The sign says: Scenic view. Every stop was there for a reason. The length of stay was there for a reason. The leaving was for a reason.
Why did this move me? Almost 30 years ago I came down with a mild case of cancer. I say mild, because it has a cure. The cure was four rounds of one week of chemotherapy followed by two weeks recovery; 12 weeks altogether. Each week of chemotherapy was daily treatments with three different chemical cocktails administered intravenously. One chemical had to be flushed from my system as fast as it came in, so there were chemicals for that. Each round, as my weight decreased, the precise mixture was adjusted. I had two weeks off each round, by the way, so my body could cope with and eliminate the dead cancer tissue. Good times. It was difficult, but here I am.
The doctor told me that if I followed the program, I would be cured. He also told me that a young man (it was a young man's cancer) has started the program, got overwhelmed and didn't return for the third round until a week late. He told them it was just too much for him, but he was ready to resume. They told him they would resume, but if he ever did that again, don't come back. If the process is followed, the cancer is cured. Almost any deviation, and the cancer wins. They weren't being mean telling him not to come back, just honest. If he deviated from the program, he would die; no reason for him to suffer the treatments and no reason to waste the drugs on him.
It was still hard. I stuck to the program. For my son (who was six), we made a chart and each night put a star in the box so he could see the progress and know how much was left. My younger daughter was 10. I say one day that she looked particularly anxious. As much as we told her I was getting cured, she saw with her own eyes that I was getting worse each day. I believe those 12 weeks, and the next year of recovery, made a permanent impression on all of us.
So now when I listen to those travels and stop, encampments and moving on, I will have a much deeper appreciation for what the Torah is telling us.
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