Skip to main content

Thought for the Day: Keeping Your Neighbor Safe from Yichud

Here's an interesting and very practical question. It started with a friend telling me that he helps a neighbor to avoid a problem with yichud. The neighbor works from home; much more common now in the post-pandemic world where practically everything is done "on line" anyway. The neighbor 's wife, however, does not work from home; go figure, it's an upside down world nowadays. The issue is what to do when the cleaning lady is there. That's where my friend becomes the hero. He doesn't have to actually be there the entire time in the house, the neighbor just has to be nervous (enough) that my friend might pop in any time. That nervousness is enough to prevent inappropriate actions, and -- it follows -- the prohibition of yichud is not transgressed.

So what's the question? My friend was going out of town on business for a day; out that morning, back that evening. Should he tell his neighbor that he is out of town, or better his neighbor doesn't know he is out of town and will remain nervous that he could pop in at any moment? Or maybe since he actually/physically can't pop in any minute, the nervousness (as real as it may be) just isn't enough?

So, of course, I asked R' Fuerst. But first -- no pun intended (which of course means the pun was intended and planned) -- I wanted to clarify how often my friend needs to actually pop into his neighbor's house. It goes without saying (sigh... but I am saying) that the popping in has to be completely unannounced. Not a knock at the door (which should be open anyway), not rustling the leaves; unannounced. Once a day is not enough. One must pop in two or three times a day. But -- and this was a big surprise to me (and my friend) -- it doesn't have to be every day. It obviously can't be on a schedule, but a pattern has to be established that there is no pattern. Once that pattern of no pattern is established, then not showing up for a day is not a problem -- even if that day he is out of town and couldn't actually pop in even if he wanted to. With one proviso: the neighbor can't know he is out of town.

IMHO -- living as a Jew is not about big, splashy displays of righteousness/charity/kindness/what-have-you. Living as a Jew means there are no small mitzvos and there are no empty moments. Every moment is an opportunity for a mitzvah and every mitzvah is as precious as every other mitzvah.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Thought for the Day: אוושא מילתא Debases Yours Shabbos

My granddaughter came home with a list the girls and phone numbers in her first grade class.  It was cute because they had made it an arts and crafts project by pasting the list to piece of construction paper cut out to look like an old desk phone and a receiver attached by a pipe cleaner.  I realized, though, that the cuteness was entirely lost on her.  She, of course, has never seen a desk phone with a receiver.  When they pretend to talk on the phone, it is on any relatively flat, rectangular object they find.  (In fact, her 18 month old brother turns every  relatively flat, rectangular object into a phone and walks around babbling into it.  Not much different than the rest of us, except his train of thought is not interrupted by someone else babbling into his ear.) I was reminded of that when my chavrusa (who has children my grandchildrens age) and I were learning about אוושא מילתא.  It came up because of a quote from the Shulchan Aruch HaRav that referred to the noise of תקתוק
Post a Comment
Read more

Thought for the Day: Love in the Time of Corona Virus/Anxiously Awaiting the Mashiach

Two scenarios: Scenario I: A young boy awakened in the middle of the night, placed in the back of vehicle, told not to make any noise, and the vehicle speeds off down the highway. Scenario II: Young boy playing in park goes to see firetruck, turns around to see scary man in angry pursuit, poised to attack. I experienced and lived through both of those scenarios. Terrifying, no? Actually, no; and my picture was never on a milk carton. Here's the context: Scenario I: We addressed both set of our grandparents as "grandma" and "grandpa". How did we distinguish? One set lived less than a half hour's drive; those were there "close grandma and grandpa". The other set lived five hour drive away; they were the "way far away grandma and grandpa". To make the trip the most pleasant for all of us, Dad would wake up my brother and I at 4:00AM, we'd groggily -- but with excitement! -- wander out and down to the garage where we'd crawl
Post a Comment
Read more

Thought for the Day: What Category of Muktzeh are Our Candles?

As discussed in a recent TftD , a p'sak halacha quite surprising to many, that one may -- even לכתחילה -- decorate a birthday cake with (unlit, obviously) birthday candles on Shabbos. That p'sak is predicated on another p'sak halacha; namely, that our candles are muktzeh because they are a כלי שמלאכתו לאיסור and not  מוקצה מחמת גופו/intrinsically set aside from any use on Shabbos. They point there was that using the candle as a decoration qualifies as a need that allows one to utilize a כלי שמלאכתו לאיסור. Today we will discuss the issue of concluding that our candles are , in fact, a כלי שמלאכתו לאיסור and not מוקצה מחמת גופו. Along the way we'll also (again) how important it is to have personal relationship with your rav/posek, the importance of precision in vocabulary, and how to interpret the Mishna Brura.  Buckle up. After reviewing siman 308 and the Mishna Brura there, I concluded that it should be permissible to use birthday candles to decorate a cake on Shabbo
Post a Comment
Read more