I was once asked (the asker meant the question entirely rhetorically): Why do I need to fear HaShem? I should just love Him. The asker's claim, based on his own reason and reputable sources, was that fear of HaShem is a "lower level" than love. His thought was to just skip the lower level (which he felt was beneath him) and go straight for love. Being a teenager, he was completely impervious to the argument that older and wiser people than himself had contemplated this issue for centuries and had come to the conclusion that fear is a prerequisite for love. Being that ignorance is easier to overcome than arrogance, I appreciated the argument, but did not have the tools to articulate why.
First a bit of a puzzle from Chazal: What is the greatness יום הכיפורים/Yom HaKippurim (Yom Kippur on the Hallmark calendar)? It is a יום כ-פורים -- a day like Purim! At first (and second and third...) glance, there could not be any two holidays more different in nature and intent than יום הכיפורים and פורים; right? יום הכיפורים is a fast day of serious (to just this side of depressing) self-introspection and crying over our failings. פורים, on the other hand, is a day of feasting and drinking (to the point of being drunk enough to have difficulty in distinguishing between Mordechai and Haman) and partying with our friends. The only crying on פורים is when we slurringly tell our friends how much we love them!
Next mix in a seemingly logical and rational approach to modern dating in the non-Orthodox world. Living together without benefit of clergy has become increasingly the norm. Ask them, and they will say it is because, "We love each other. What difference does a piece of paper make?" Gosh that sounds logical. What could be wrong.
Everything. Living together without the acceptance of an externally defined set of obligations is nothing but playing house for self-gratification. Of course a piece of paper doesn't make a marriage any more than a piece of paper makes a sale. Would you by a car without getting a receipt? Nope. 'Cause you need more paper? Nope; because of what that piece of paper represents: commitment. Commitment from both parties that they are committed to this deal and agree to be bound by externally defined rules that defines said commitment.
At Har Sinai, HaShem did not say that would should follow His rules and then we'll get a nice plum; nor did we agree to such an arrangement. HaShem and the Jewish nation agreed to be committed to one another for all of eternity. No matter what we do, we can't break that commitment. That's why we have a יום הכיפורים every year that is hard work. Just as in any marriage, partners make mistakes. Sometimes big ones. The mistakes need to be admitted, root causes discovered, real change implemented, and a renewed commitment to the future. That sentence, of course, is also the definition of תשובה and the raison d'être for our annual יום הכיפורים.
While such an experience on a periodic basis is core to any good marriage, it's only part of the equation; and a small part, at that. The partners in a good marriage celebrate together because that's how they really express their love for one another. How do you know that it is because of real love and not simple self gratification? Those serious sessions of introspection, crying over failings, and commitment to improvement. The celebrations in a good marriage are because of the hard work and those times of crying, not in spite of them.
פורים and יום הכיפורים are two aspects of one relationship; they are both expressions of love. Which is a great expression of the true feelings? Obviously פורים! When both are celebrated and commemorated properly therefore, we experience what Chazal told us we can achieve: What is the greatness יום הכיפורים? It is a יום כ-פורים -- a day like Purim!
First a bit of a puzzle from Chazal: What is the greatness יום הכיפורים/Yom HaKippurim (Yom Kippur on the Hallmark calendar)? It is a יום כ-פורים -- a day like Purim! At first (and second and third...) glance, there could not be any two holidays more different in nature and intent than יום הכיפורים and פורים; right? יום הכיפורים is a fast day of serious (to just this side of depressing) self-introspection and crying over our failings. פורים, on the other hand, is a day of feasting and drinking (to the point of being drunk enough to have difficulty in distinguishing between Mordechai and Haman) and partying with our friends. The only crying on פורים is when we slurringly tell our friends how much we love them!
Next mix in a seemingly logical and rational approach to modern dating in the non-Orthodox world. Living together without benefit of clergy has become increasingly the norm. Ask them, and they will say it is because, "We love each other. What difference does a piece of paper make?" Gosh that sounds logical. What could be wrong.
Everything. Living together without the acceptance of an externally defined set of obligations is nothing but playing house for self-gratification. Of course a piece of paper doesn't make a marriage any more than a piece of paper makes a sale. Would you by a car without getting a receipt? Nope. 'Cause you need more paper? Nope; because of what that piece of paper represents: commitment. Commitment from both parties that they are committed to this deal and agree to be bound by externally defined rules that defines said commitment.
At Har Sinai, HaShem did not say that would should follow His rules and then we'll get a nice plum; nor did we agree to such an arrangement. HaShem and the Jewish nation agreed to be committed to one another for all of eternity. No matter what we do, we can't break that commitment. That's why we have a יום הכיפורים every year that is hard work. Just as in any marriage, partners make mistakes. Sometimes big ones. The mistakes need to be admitted, root causes discovered, real change implemented, and a renewed commitment to the future. That sentence, of course, is also the definition of תשובה and the raison d'être for our annual יום הכיפורים.
While such an experience on a periodic basis is core to any good marriage, it's only part of the equation; and a small part, at that. The partners in a good marriage celebrate together because that's how they really express their love for one another. How do you know that it is because of real love and not simple self gratification? Those serious sessions of introspection, crying over failings, and commitment to improvement. The celebrations in a good marriage are because of the hard work and those times of crying, not in spite of them.
פורים and יום הכיפורים are two aspects of one relationship; they are both expressions of love. Which is a great expression of the true feelings? Obviously פורים! When both are celebrated and commemorated properly therefore, we experience what Chazal told us we can achieve: What is the greatness יום הכיפורים? It is a יום כ-פורים -- a day like Purim!
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