Skip to main content

Thought for the Day:Kavod HaChaim vs Kavod HaMeis and Erev Pesach

If I was looking for guidelines in interpersonal relationships, I would look first to Sha'arei T'shuva, M'silas Yesharim, Chafeitz Chaim, etc.  I would not look in Hilchos Pesach; and I would obviously not even be glancing down at the footnotes.

If I were looking for how to treat a corpse with proper dignity, I'd probably go to Yoreh Dei'ah somewhere.  (That's a lie; I'd call R' Fuerst; but bear with me, please.)  I know it is important, though, because of a Rashi in Chumash; where he notes that even the kohein gadol on his way to do the avoda of Yom Kippur would be required to first take care of a meis mitzvah.  That's astounding!  As important as the avoda of the kohein gadol on Yom Kippur is for all of Klal Yisrael, it does not take precedence over the kavod due a simple Jew whose corpse is lingering unburied; no relative or friend close enough to take care of his last needs in this world, so distant from the community that even the chevra kadisha is unaware of his death.

Yet, these show up together in Hilchos Pesach.  Not in the Mishna Brura, not in the Biur Halacha.  In the Sha'ar HaTziyun; you know, the footnotes at the bottom, that often seem to be just a list of roshei teivos (random letters separated by "s and spaces).  Actually, though, I have found oodles of amazing insights down there.  It's really worth glancing down now and then.

The Mishna Brura in hilchos chameitz on erev Pesach after midday (443:1), the addresses the question of whether to bury a meis or eat first when there is a chance that after the burial you won't get back in time to eat your last Dunkin Donuts before the holiday.  "C'mon," you are thinking, "so the grave digger doesn't get his donut!  He'll make do with fish, eggs, meat, fruit, and vegetables, like the rest of us!"  The Mishna Brura (sk 6) says that when time is short, it is better to eat before burying the meis.  The Sha'ar HaTziyun (sk 9) explains that you are being awfully cavalier with another Jew's feelings.  Who says he is going to be satisfied with that?  Moreover, further notes the Sha'ar HaTziyun, if you do force him to work before eating, he'll rush through things and not exercise the extreme kavod due this Jew.  Much better, the Sha'ar HaTziyun, to eat first, then deal with the burial in a proper and respectful manner.

The message is loud and clear; whenever someone says what they can and can't do, what does and doesn't bother them... you have no right to impose your own criteria for what should and shouldn't be a big deal, what he can and can't do.  Not only do you have to respect his right to feel that way, you have to change your behaviour accordingly.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Thought for the Day: Pizza, Uncrustables, and Stuff -- What Bracha?

Many years ago (in fact, more than two decades ago), I called R' Fuerst from my desk at work as I sat down to lunch.  I had a piece of (quite delicious) homemade pizza for lunch.  I nearly always eat at my desk as I am working (or writing TftD...), so my lunch at work cannot in any way be considered as sitting down to a formal meal; aka קביעת סעודה.  That being the case, I wasn't sure whether to wash, say ha'motzi, and bentch; or was the pizza downgraded to a m'zonos.  He told if it was a snack, then it's m'zonos; if a meal the ha'motzi.  Which what I have always done since then.  I recently found out how/why that works. The Shulchan Aruch, 168:17 discusses פשטיד''א, which is describes as a baked dough with meat or fish or cheese.  In other words: pizza.  Note: while the dough doesn't not need to be baked together with the meat/fish/cheese, it is  required that they dough was baked with the intention of making this concoction. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Thought for the Day: What Category of Muktzeh are Our Candles?

As discussed in a recent TftD , a p'sak halacha quite surprising to many, that one may -- even לכתחילה -- decorate a birthday cake with (unlit, obviously) birthday candles on Shabbos. That p'sak is predicated on another p'sak halacha; namely, that our candles are muktzeh because they are a כלי שמלאכתו לאיסור and not  מוקצה מחמת גופו/intrinsically set aside from any use on Shabbos. They point there was that using the candle as a decoration qualifies as a need that allows one to utilize a כלי שמלאכתו לאיסור. Today we will discuss the issue of concluding that our candles are , in fact, a כלי שמלאכתו לאיסור and not מוקצה מחמת גופו. Along the way we'll also (again) how important it is to have personal relationship with your rav/posek, the importance of precision in vocabulary, and how to interpret the Mishna Brura.  Buckle up. After reviewing siman 308 and the Mishna Brura there, I concluded that it should be permissible to use birthday candles to decorate a cake on Sha...
Post a Comment
Read more

Thought for the Day: אוושא מילתא Debases Yours Shabbos

My granddaughter came home with a list the girls and phone numbers in her first grade class.  It was cute because they had made it an arts and crafts project by pasting the list to piece of construction paper cut out to look like an old desk phone and a receiver attached by a pipe cleaner.  I realized, though, that the cuteness was entirely lost on her.  She, of course, has never seen a desk phone with a receiver.  When they pretend to talk on the phone, it is on any relatively flat, rectangular object they find.  (In fact, her 18 month old brother turns every  relatively flat, rectangular object into a phone and walks around babbling into it.  Not much different than the rest of us, except his train of thought is not interrupted by someone else babbling into his ear.) I was reminded of that when my chavrusa (who has children my grandchildrens age) and I were learning about אוושא מילתא.  It came up because of a quote from the Shulchan Aru...
Post a Comment
Read more