Thought for the Day: Rearing תלמידי חכמים as a Segula for Shalom Bayis

I endeavor to make a siyum every year on my anniversary/birthday. Last year I made a siyum on Nedarim, leaving just Nazir and Sotah to complete Seder Nashim (of gemara). That meant that I would be making a siyum on Seder Nashim for my 50th wedding anniversary. Cool, no? As it turns out, though, I have actually made progress in my learning skills and/or I have retired, so I have more time to learn in the mornings. In any case, I now learn two or three daf a week instead of one. That means that I can be m'sayim Seder Nashim this year, בעזרת השם, on our 49th wedding anniversary. (I don't feel the coolness of making the siyum on year 50 would justify delaying; besides, I concocted a justification.) That meant, though, that I had to find another date to sponsor kiddush at our Vasikin Minyan for the siyum. This is my morning seder at Brisk. I learn before davening in the winter and after davening in the summer, so I like to make the siyum there. Also, it is where my wife and I daven together on Shabbos. They also make a great cholent! Hence, I like to make the siyum on a Shabbos when I can sponsor a cholent kiddush. I tried one Shabbos, but someone very special was not in attendance that Shabbos—the cholent maker.

Then, last Friday, I walked into the kitchen to make coffee (my job) and saw lots of food being prepared; this was my chance! I immediately ran out to ask the gabbai if I could sponsor and make a siyum. He asked what the siyum was on, and I told him Nazir. "Well, it is parshas Naso..." I immediately thought: so cool! I had my bar mitzvah celebration on parshas Naso! (I know, I know... it wasn't really a bar mitzvah, but it was a big 13th birthday party and I did have to learn the haftara.) Then the gabai completed his thought, "which includes the parshah of Nazir. That is so cool! Are you going to do a siyum for each parshah now?"

I really, really wish that I had planned the siyum for Nazir on parshas Naso. Or even that I had planned it for the anniversary of my "bar mitzvah." Instead it was just a flukey coincidence. Go figure. Oh, and the best part: No cholent. They were cooking for an aufruf for the second minyan. Meaning the whole thing was based on a mistake from the beginning. Now that's Hashgacha Pratis at its finest!

That night after the s'uda, I sat down to review the last few lines for the siyum. That's when my heart sank. I finished the gemara a while ago and had forgotten how it ended. Two incidents where a sage told his son (Rav to his son Chiya and Rav Huna to his son Rabbah; yes, apparently even the great Rav Chiya and Rabba started off as little boy; who knew?) to be quick to take the Kos shel Bracha and bentch. The gemara asks, "But isn't it better to say amen than to say the bracha?!" The gemara ends up saying it is a machlokes Tannaim and then ends with:

אָמַר רַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר אָמַר רַבִּי חֲנִינָא תַּלְמִידֵי חֲכָמִים מַרְבִּים שָׁלוֹם בָּעוֹלָם שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר {ישעיהו נ״ד:י״ג} וְכׇל בָּנַיִךְ לִמּוּדֵי ה׳ וְרַב שְׁלוֹם בָּנָיִךְ

Rabbi Elazar said that Rabbi Ḥanina said: Torah scholars increase peace in the world, as it is stated: “And all your children [banayikh] shall be taught of the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children” (Isaiah 54:13).

Two things: (1) We all know that from davening, where the thought is completed with: Do not read it as "Your children [banayikh], but as "Your builders [bonayikh].” (2) That seems to have nothing at all, not even a little bit, with the gemara. Neither Rashi nor Tosafos tries to give p'shat or even mention it. Well, technically, there are three things: It is Friday night; I am making a siyum at the vasikin minyan in a few hours (literally less than 9 hours away), and I have no idea what p'shat in that gemara is. I feel doomed.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Rosh? Nada? Maharsha? Nada. (In fact, the Maharsha himself wonders why the gemara takes this left turn.) One last hope: the "extra meforshim" collected together by the publisher at the back. In other contexts, this would be called a Hail Mary move, which Gemini describes as a desperate, last-ditch effort made when time is running out and failure is nearly certain, relying entirely on luck, a breakthrough, or a miracle to succeed. But the origin of the phrase is so inappropriate that I wouldn't use it here.

There it was: a beautiful p'shat that tied together why the gemara wanted a story about a father instructing his son in precision in mitzvos and why this was a fitting conclusion to Masechta Nazir and introduction to the next gemara, Sotah. It is from the עיני שמואל authored by רבי שמואל אהרן ראבין, who lived just 52 years, 1825-1877.

From the juxtaposition in Chumash of the parshas of Sotah and Nazir, Chazal teach us that a person who sees a sotah in her disgrace should become a nazir. Based on this, if a husband is suspicious of his wife, or she of him, then they should become a nazir to refrain from wine and avoid the suspicion growing into something awful and thus have shalom bayis. However, if they have children who are תלמידי חכמים, then they don't need to do that. Why not? Chazal say (Shabbos 55b) that if a man has relations with a harlot, then the offspring will not be תלמידי חכמים. Therefore, if a couple has children who are תלמידי חכמים, that is testimony to each other that they are both kosher and there will be no suspicion nor jealousy. And that is what is meant by תלמידי חכמים increase peace in the world"... don't read "your children," rather "your builders." That is to say, when the children are תלמידי חכמים, then their builders—i.e., the husband and wife—will have peace between them.

Isn't that gorgeous? When a person sees a sotah in her disgrace, he shouldn't just stay away from wayward women, but he needs to go to the source—the wine that brought them to an inappropriate relationship. The עיני שמואל says this gemara is taking us one step further toward the source. Work on your job as parents to rear תלמידי חכמים and bring more peace between yourselves and the whole world.