Yes, I know very well that I have not written in quite some time. A discovery we made while cleaning out my mother-in-law's apartment seems a very fitting topic for my re-entry.
After days and hours of sorting through boxes of documents and pictures, we were rewarded with two notable treasures: (1) a pair of diamond studs that had been presumed lost. (2) my mother-in-law's bas mitzvah speech. In truth, the value of the diamond studs pales in comparison to the speech find, but we had talked about those diamond studs for weeks (in fact, my mother-in-law, a"h, had also been bothered by their loss). The speech (and picture of her from that day!) solidified and deepened our appreciation for how much we owe to my mother-in-law, ברכה פייגא בת יעקב, ע''ה,
A few years ago, I read a powerful משל/allegory in the Passover haggadah from R' Matisyahu Salomon. There was a bloke who wanted to know what it felt like to get the royal treatment. He hatched a plan to dupe a remote city into thinking their king was coming for a visit. He had posters made and hired people to distribute them to this remote city, keeping things under the royal radar. The day arrived; he was honored as if he were the real king. The real king, of course, found out about it and summarily executed the bloke for his obvious treason against the crown. The king then wanted to punish the city as well. The leaders of the city, however, argued that they had been duped into believing that bloke was really the king. They were not honoring him; rather, they were honoring the king himself. If anything, the beautiful celebration they created should show the king how much they loved and respected him.
I had immediately thought of my mother-in-law when I read that משל/allegory. She was committed to observing and celebrating the religion she had been duped into believing was authentic Judaism. (If you haven't already, you can and should read more about her, A Tribute to ברכה פייגא בת יעקב, ע''ה/Bea Buder of Blessed Memory.)
I was speaking to my granddaughter about her Bubbie Bea, and I told over that משל/allegory. I explained that the rabbi where Bubbie Bea grew up came to her home when she was just a little girl. The family was of very modest means, so the rabbi told them that any of their six daughters who would like to attend Sunday school would have a full scholarship. My mother-in-law, at 10 years old or so, decided she wanted to go. She was the only one of her five sisters who went. She completed the entire Sunday school program. She was the only one of the six sisters who married a Jewish man. The only one who raised a Jewish family. I told her that Bubbie Bea moved across the country and was very active in her temple. Of course Bubbie Bea had been lied to by that rabbi about what being Jewish meant, but she put her whole heart and soul into being the best Jew she could be. I told her that Bubbie Bea even learned how to blow the shofar, and she blew the shofar on Rosh HaShanah at her temple. "Wow! That's so much work!" I smiled to myself that she had gotten exactly the lesson I wanted her to take with her about her great-grandmother, a"h.
Everything I told my granddaughter was absolutely true. I had known my mother-in-law, a"h, for 49 years. I was completely confident that the picture I had pieced together of her beliefs and commitment was entirely accurate. Then we found her bas mitzvah speech. We hadn't even known she had had an official bas mitzvah; we thought she just went to Sunday school through to confirmation. That picture I had pieced together suddenly went from an old black-and-white photo that had been taped together to a vibrant, full-color portrait. The speech is in three parts. The first part is typed. Then a section of her Hebrew handwriting quoting a pasuk in Rus. Finally, a few handwritten lines. Her bas mitzvah was on Shavuos, 1949. She was 13 years old and one of three girls having their bas mitzvah that day. Here is the speech, transcribed as is, verbatim:
Typed section:
BOS MITSVAH TALK OF BEATRICE MILLER - JUNE 3, 1949
Shevous celebrates the birtday of the Torah. Our Bos Mitsvah is a dedication of a life of service to the Torah. It is most fitting, then, that this service take place on Shevous. In the years what we have studied in Talmud Torah, we have become of the great obligation that lies upon every conscientious Jew. Perhaps it is for that rason that so many of our Jews do not fulfill their obligations properly, either because they haven't the education or because they will not assum their duties. We girls are fortunate that we have our education and we offer a solemn promise that we will do our utmost to fulfill our oath.
My heroine is one of the most beautiful characters in teh Bible. Ruth of Moab was not born a Jew, but when she had been educated as a Jewess, her promise to Judaism was one of the greatest oaths of all time. She said:
אַל־תִּפְגְּעִי־בִ֔י לְעָזְבֵ֖ךְ לָשׁ֣וּב מֵֽאַֽחֲרָ֑יִךְ כִּ֠י אֶל־אֲשֶׁ֨ר תֵּֽלְכִ֜י אֵלֵ֗ךְ וּבַֽאֲשֶׁ֤ר תָּלִ֨ינִי֙ אָלִ֔ין עַמֵּ֣ךְ עַמִּ֔י וֵֽאלֹהַ֖יִךְ אֱלֹהָֽי: בַּֽאֲשֶׁ֤ר תָּמ֨וּתִי֙ אָמ֔וּת וְשָׁ֖ם אֶקָּבֵ֑ר כֹּה֩ יַֽעֲשֶׂ֨ה יְהֹוָ֥ה לִי֙ וְכֹ֣ה יוֹסִ֔יף כִּ֣י הַמָּ֔וֶת יַפְרִ֖יד בֵּינִ֥י וּבֵינֵֽךְ
Entreat me not to leave thee and to return from following thee; for whither thou goest, I will go, and where you lodgest, I will lodge; thy people shall be my people and thy God my God. Where you diest, I will die, and there I will be buried. So may the Lord do so to me and more also, if aught but death part thee and me.May my life as a born Jewess follow the splendid example of our non-Jewess Ruth, whose life was so wonderfual an example of Jewish devotion, that the royal house of Israel, the house of David, is said to have come from Ruth.
Then, a hand-written epilogue:
Amen. O G-d and G-d of our fathers Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob and our mothers Sarah, Rebecca,
LeahRachel and Leah, Bless us with wisdom and understanding to lead lives of merit and credit to our families, our people, and our community. Bless our families and our nation with peace and happiness and may the kingdom of the Fatherhood of G-d and
Yes, I know it ends abruptly. It is tempting to complete the thought, but that's what we have.
It is easy to make a solemn oath when you are 13 (almost 14) years old. It is profoundly moving to see how that oath played out over the ensuing eight decades. For those of you who like hashgacha pratis stories. (1) My mother-in-law, a"h, absolutely did "go whither thou goest" with her new husband at 20 years old to leave her family and travel cross-country to establish a firmly Jewish home. (2) My wife put "whither thou goest, I will go" on our wedding invitation. (3) Her life and the lives of her daughter and our children and grandchildren certainly were and are deeply intertwined with someone who was not born Jewish but took a solemn oath to fulfill the Torah and join the Jewish people.
I know this is already long. Not an apology, simply an observation. I want to end by telling you about the last conversation my wife and I had with her mother. Debbie got back after an intense two weeks of caring for her mother. Thursday, her mother told her to go home... she had already extended her stay once, and she was fine now. I picked my wife up from the airport on Friday morning, and Debbie called her mother to let her know she had landed safely (once a mother, always a mother). Her mother thanked her so much for coming out and even staying longer. She asked if I was there, and Debbie told her that she was on speakerphone. "And Michael, I want to thank you for letting Debbie come out for so long. I know that was hard for you. I really appreciate it."
That Friday afternoon, my mother-in-law was taken to the emergency room for the last time. I am envious of someone who leaves this world saying thank you.
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