In English we have the term "pregnant pause," which means a deliberate, often long, and sometimes uncomfortable moment of silence in speech, acting, or conversation that is "full of" meaning, significance, or anticipation. There are also dramatic and poignant pauses, which are typically shorter. All three techniques can be used to build suspense (pregnant), add emphasis to the point just made (dramatic), and/or encourage introspection and allow the matter to be internalized (poignant). They can each be used for any of those effects; I just indicated the most usual flavor of pause used in each situation... in my humble opinion. The ellipsis in the preceding sentence was meant to convey a poignant pause and encourage the reader to form their own thoughts on the topic. All this is to make the communication more engaging. <Feel free to fill in your own thoughts here while I make myself a cup of coffee.>
It is also possible for a pause to turn into an interruption; that is, the intended audience either assumes you have finished or doesn't feel anything else you have to add is worth the wait. As someone who is both socially awkward and has taught college classes, I am painfully aware that my pauses are too frequently interpreted as either one of both of those possibilities. On the other hand, one must insert some pause between words and phrases to be properly understood. The difference between the description of a panda, who "eats shoots and leaves," and a cereal killer who "eats, shoots, and leaves" (did you catch the pun? I crack myself up) is simply the appropriate use of pauses.
For me, therefore, תוך כדי דיבור is literally a G-d send. Less than תוך כדי דיבור and you are in the middle of a thought; more than תוך כדי דיבור and you have derailed the train of thought. So.... just how long is תוך כדי דיבור? Chazal tell us it is the amount of time it takes to say שלום עליכם רבי or שלום עליכם רבי ומורי. So, first, I'd like a definitive ruling, please. Another definition you hear is, "Oh, you know, three or four seconds." Ok... so three or four seconds? Enquiring minds want to know.
You may be thinking, "I mean... who cares? What difference does it make, anyway?" Oh, pshaw, you know us Jews! Everything possible has a measure. Here's one example: You are making kiddush Shabbos morning and make a "borei pri ha'gafen" with sincere kavana. You look in the cup and see... oh no! It's coffee! Not wine! So, if you remember within תוך כדי דיבור, then you can just add "sh'ha'kol n'hi'yeh bid'varoh" and you are good to go. If not... sorry, bracha l'vatala. (Ask you CYLOR about making Shabbos morning kiddush on coffee.) Here's another one. You are making an offer on a beautiful piece of jewelry: "I'd like to offer you...hmmm..." Then you pause for dramatic effect (see above), and your friend jumps in with an offer of $1000, after which you finish your offer, "$1000!" So if your pause was less than תוך כדי דיבור, it is yours. If not, sorry... your attempt to offer ended with no amount—no sale; rather, your "friend" acquires it. Otherwise, you were still talking, so it is yours. Similarly for being m'kadesh a lady and also for testimony. It's a big deal. (CYLOR for details. However, you can rely on my p'sak for one thing: Never, ever, not even once, rely on something you read in a TftD for halacha l'ma'aseh.)
The definition always seemed funny to me. I therefore concluded that it must mean how fast the speaker it talking. That is, completely subjective. If you daven fast, you don't get much time to fix things up. If you daven like a mentch, you get a mentchlich amount of time. If you daven s-l-o-w-l-y then you get a ridiculous amount of time to fix things.
But then a close chaver pointed out it isn't just any three or four words; it's שלום עליכם רבי or שלום עליכם רבי ומורי. And Chazal open the discussion by noting that they don't want to prevent a person from greeting his rebbi while engaged in business or other activities. Maybe, therefore, the poskim who say three or four seconds are instructing us in the proper pacing for greeting your rebbi is three to four seconds; that is, it is prescriptive and objective, not based on a survey of how quickly people talk. Interesting.
Of course, I asked the dayan if תוך כדי דיבור is subjective or objective. The dayan answered that "pashtus is subjective." Cool. However, I took the mussar that it is not just any three (or four) words; it is a greeting to your rebbi.
So here is my conclusion. Yes, it certainly is subjective. However, it is not based on how fast you are talking right now; it is rather based on how fast you would greet your rebbi. That also explains שלום עליכם רבי or שלום עליכם רבי ומורי—it means according to the way that you greet your rebbi. So even if he were racing through the davening like a gold medalist, or you were plodding along pronouncing each syllable, you both would very likely greet your rebbi in a normal voice. You yours; he his. Normal. That makes a very nice, measurable, and yet subjective measure of the time it takes to make an interruption in your statement.
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