Michael el Chayil

Anyone who has been married for more than a couple of days knows there are ups and downs in any relationship. Anyone who has been married for several decades knows that the different pressures we endure during different stages of our life -- first married, starting to have children, building a career while paying for tuitions and camp, empty nesting, even -- I have heard -- some people have to get used to the husband retiring. Even the best and strongest marriages have endured difficult times. In fact, just as any other area of growth, those challenges are precisely what contributed to the strength of the marriage. That being said, there are some challenges that still make us uncomfortable years later. We are overjoyed that we were able to remain strong, but the mistakes can still haunt us as we strive to never make those kinds of mistakes again. Our relationship with HaShem as His chosen nation is no different. We are living in galus now. Still His chosen nation, but still separating ...

Who could forget Shabbos? Whether you like the preparation or just find it stressful, no one forgets Shabbos. It is impossible to forget Shabbos. Our whole week revolves around Shabbos. Even when making plans for vacations and simchas, Shabbos is front and center. You can't travel on Shabbos, so it is not forgotten. If you are in a hotel, getting in and out with all the electronics is a modern Shabbos problem. We need special food for Shabbos, which has to be prepared before Shabbos. It is simply impossible to forget Shabbos. So why is there a specific commandment, literally etched in stone (sapphire, actually), to remember Shabbos? Some background. This came up when the Rosh Kollel, R' Yosef Rajchenbach, shlita, was giving his Friday morning chumash shiur on parshas לֶךְ־לְךָ֛, which commences with the first (at least first explicitly mentioned in the Torah) test of Avraham. The Rosh Kollel noted that the command was for Avraham to go forth. And what does Avraham get for leavi...

R' Fuerst used to give a shiur in Mishna Brura on Monday nights for ba'al habatim. (The dayan now gives a shiur on Sunday mornings. I still miss that Monday night shiur.) Once, when we were discussing tzitzis, the dayan said he always ties his own tzitzis, because he wants to be sure they are tied correctly. One of the ba'al habatim said that he only buys pre-tied tzitzis, also because he wants to be sure they are tied correctly. Sometimes it is just better to leave things to the experts. As the angels are traveling to S'dom to destroy the greater S'dom metropolitan area, which encompasses five cities, Avraham Avinu is desperately working to find any merit to save the cities. Avraham davens all day, but in the end is unsuccessful. The angels -- who have been waiting with hope that Avraham could find some way to save the cities -- must not enter to carry out HaShem's decree. They first need to save Lot and his immediate family. Lot -- worried about his stuff -- d...

Avraham broke all but one of the idols in Terach's store, left the hammer in the lap of the remaining idol, then feigned innocence to Terach that the remaining idol had smashed the others, to which Terach said, "That's ridiculous, that idol can't move!", to which Avraham replied, "Exactly." Which earned Avraham a trip to Nimrod's fiery furnace -- sold out by his own father! -- and was miraculously saved. Terach and Nimrod were not idiots. They knew very well that the idols couldn't move. What was Avraham trying to tell his father? And what get Terach so worked up that he was willing to have his son executed? I worked for a number of years for a national lab (the SSC ) that had scientists from all over the world. For some time I carpooled with (among others, there were four of us who took turns making the one hour drive) a lady from India. One morning -- I think she was a bit late and was apologetic -- she mentioned that she has a little idol at h...

I once worked as the physicist in the radiation oncology department of a hospital. (I tried to convince my eight year old grandson that I was a "real" doctor because I worked in a hospital. He didn't buy it.) I worked there in the late 1980s and we had a treatment planning system from the 1960s. In those 20+ years there were enormous strides in computer technology. Still pre-Internet (although I did manage to set up email by connecting to a nearby university), but we did have personal computers by that time and our treatment planning system was the size of a small table, no monitor nor even keyboard; information was keyed in with switches. Primitive even then. I decided to make an appointment with the president of the hospital to pitch a new treatment planning system. I got all my information together, found a system that was up-to-date with current technology, expandable, and affordable. It had everything we needed; nothing fancy, but full featured. Not a luxury vehicle,...

Part of our slichos davening during the Days of Awe and now for בה''ב is that our prayers be answered as Avraham Avinu was answered at Mount Moriah -- at the עקידה/the binding of Yitzchak. Obviously that was an incredible experience for both our ancestors and for all generations of Jews since then. The עקידה is a core part of our davening whenever we are looking for merit. I always understood the merit to be that Avraham and Yitzchak were willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for Avodas HaShem. That is certainly true. The question though, is what does that have to do with davening? Where do you see that Avraham Avinu  davened in that monumental event? I saw this question in R' Matisyahu Salomon on the 10 Days of Repentance. I don't know about you, but I feel pretty pressured to say all the words of slichos as fast as I can. At the end of each section, when the chazan starts a new slicha/paragraph, I skip to there also. (R' Fuerst advised me to do that!) I try to pa...

After I retold one of my stories regarding being frum in the workplace, a dear friend asked why I have so many stories and he has none. I tried: Well, I was 40-ish years in the workplace as a frum person and I have -- let's say -- eight stories; which is only two story worthy events per year. He replied, "I have 15 years and no stories." Ah. One additional difference is that I have (nearly) always worked in places where I am the only frum Jew, whereas he has worked for a company owned and operated by a frum Jew with lots of frum Jews around. That is true and certainly significant. The largest factor though, is likely that I am not shy about expressing my opinions. In fact, as a scientist I know and and trained that the path to Truth is healthy debate. That is one reason I post these divrei Torah. For a few years as I was still struggling with what I really believed and why, I would seek out intelligent people who held opinions contrary to my own. I wasn't trying to co...

I saw a mashal brought by R' Biderman in the Yamin Noraim sheets. A simple fellow became a ba'al t'shuva and he had a good friend, a talmid chacham, who helped him with his davening. Came Elul and the talmid chacham told his friend that now they would start getting up early for slichos. The month or week (depending on whether he was Sfardi or Ashkenazi; that wasn't specified and is entirely irrelevant to the point I of the story, as you will see if you let me get there) passed and he said, "Now on Erev Rosh HaShannah we get up really  early and have three or four times as many slichos!" Fine. Then Rosh HaShanna, "Shofar, Mussaf, chazanus!" Uh-huh. Then the 10 Days of Repentance, more slichos (albeit less on erev Yom Kippur), then Yom Kippur ... a full day of davening and fasting! Then Sukkos with lulav and esrog and hakafos and Hallel and more musaf. Whew... ok... wow. Then Simchas Torah when we dance for hours with the sefer Torah! "Tell me,...

My wife and I look forward to the publications from the Bais Horaah. They pick a timely topic and explore it with its halachos in a thorough and understandable format. Just before Sukkos, a 20 pager came out (they are usually only two pages) -- score! We read them at the Shabbos table. Actually my wife reads them and I listen/offer running commentary. I didn't expect to learning anything new, but review is always good. Also I then get to offer even more commentary. My wife read, "The schach must be secure enough that it will not blow off in a normal wind."  Yes, yes... "Even if the wind is not blowing, but the schach would blow off in a normal wind, the sukkah is not kosher even in still air." Yes, yes... "Even if the sukkah is in a protected place, like between two houses, so the wind is blocked, the schach needs to be secure enough to stay in place even if the place were not protected." Yes, yes... wait... what? Our sukkah is on our back deck, protec...

The gematria of השטן/The Accuser is 364. The sages tell us that the Accuser is only allowed to speak against us 364 days a year. On Yom Kippur, though, he is silenced. What about just שטן (you know, satan, the devil, the serpent, etc)? Wouldn't it be great to get another five days without an accuser watching our every move? We get that also! The five days from Yom Kippur through the first day of Sukkos, the accuser doesn't get much traction. Since we are busy with the mitzvos of Sukkos, HaShem lets our unintentional sins slide because we are so busy with the mitzvos of building a sukkah and getting the four species. If it were just the quantity of mitzvos, though, that hardly explains fending off the prince of darkness. After all, Pesach has lots and lots of mitzvos and requires much more preparation. Every Shabbos also has lots of preparation. (My daughter explained Shabbos to a non-Jewish co-worker as "basically Thanksgiving, but every week.) Yet the Accuser is on full d...

The main expression we have of living in the sukkah is eating there. The factors that require one to eat in a sukkah are based on the idea that we are to consider the sukkah our main residence during the 7/8 days of Sukkos . Hence, eating events that would usually occur in your dining room during the rest of the year, should take place in the sukkah during Sukkos. Formal meals in the sukkah, but snacks on the run -- just as during the rest of the year you snack all over the place -- so, too, during Sukkos can be eaten outside of the Sukkah. Just as you would leave your dining room if there were, Chas v'Shalom , a leak in the ceiling; so, too, you can leave your sukkah because of rain. But what if you want to stay in the sukkah? You worked so hard on it, and it's only once a year, and you have pictures and decorations that tell the story of your last 30 years in Chicago... I mean... it's geshmack to be in the sukkah. Even the whining about the cold and the bees is part of th...

There is a Russian expression (really, I confirmed it with a Romanian dental technician): Once you are 40, if you wake up and nothing hurts; you are dead. That is one way to look at growing older. Here's another. There was an ad campaign (I am told) that featured a 20's saying that he's never going to get cataracts, nor arthritis, nor even wrinkles. Why? Well, it was a campaign for disease that was infecting and killing a certain segment of the population. It ended with a plea for donations for more research. They also had a more lighthearted approach, putting a positive spin on wrinkles and grey hair as beautiful; mostly because it meant you hadn't died yet. That's one approach to aging. Basically difference spins on "well, it beats the alternative!" I would like to suggest a different approach. One of the most distressing situations I can imagine is being bored. Before you pshaw my phobia, consider that solitary confinement is one of the most feared puni...

If you have already heard of תדיר ושאינו תדיר תדיר קודם -- frequent and not frequent, frequent first -- and are surprised by the title, you are welcome to skip to the end, but please hear me out. If you are not so familiar with the topic, let's start with a short introduction. In those cases where two obligations come up for a single event, this rule determines which comes first. For example, in bentching there are additions for both Shabbos and Rosh Chodesh. On Shabbos Rosh Chodesh, you will perforce say one before the other; halacha neither requires nor even condones speaking different things out of both sides of your mouth. The rule of תדיר ושאינו תדיר תדיר קודם tells you to say the addition for Shabbos first, and then the addition for Rosh Chodesh. This also comes up in the chapter of psalms we say after morning prayers. The extra psalm for Rosh Chodesh -- which is said 18-ish times a year -- comes after the daily psalm -- which is said 52-ish times a year. What about לדוד/Psal...

Sundown is still a bit late for R' Schwimmer's Friday night chumash shiur at the Tessler home, but we are getting close. We are also between Rosh HaShannah and Yom Kippur, which is an excellent time for some honest and significant soul searching. That being the case, R' Schwimmer graciously agreed to give a short shiur last Friday night on Shabbos Shuva. If you were there, you may want to just move on, as my summary is not going to approach the inspiration you have already received. If you were not there, then I hope this sparks your interest enough to make going to the shiur a regular part of your winter Shabbos evenings. The shiur started with two questions on the time in which we now find ourselves. One is something I have contemplated for years and I believe is a relatively famous topic. Namely, why do we have the Day of Judgement first and then 10 days later the Day of Atonement. Any reasonable person would much rather work out a deal before going to court. Going to co...

I am not known for being subtle. That also means that subtle messages often pass me by, way under my radar. When I hear the same message -- nearly word for word -- from two different shiurim one right after the other, even I sometimes notice. There is a mitzvah to do תשובה. That means to confess your past bad deeds, regret them, abandon them, and accept with full sincerity to never repeat them. What would you say is the main part of that? I would think that abandoning one's bad ways, regretting them, and accepting never to do them again. After all, if we don't change, have we done תשובה? If I don't regret the sins, have I really changed? Confession? Pshaw... there is a religion that has little booths for confession.  They are sort of like telephone booths, but more dark and cramped, and only for extremely local calls; through a little opening to an adjoining booth. You tell the priest, whom you can't see and you hope he doesn't recognize your voice, all the bad thin...

Funny story. For years we have not eaten grapes on ראש השנה. (Funny story within funny story, I couldn't decide how many "n"'s and whether to put an "h" at the end of the transliteration of ראש השנה; so I punted and decided to just leave it in the original.) We didn't eat grapes, because I had been told that the Vilna Gaon (I'll leave that one alone) said we shouldn't eat grapes on ראש השנה. Why not? It's a secret 😉; you know, kabala stuff. (No final "h", one "l"; sigh...) I thought this was well known. After all, if I -- who did not grow up in the Orthodox Jewish tradition -- know something, then everyone must know it. Fine, fine, that is getting less true as I get older, but still. Anyway... We are, בעזרת השם , having guests for the first day of ראש השנה and they wanted to bring a Waldorf Salad -- which happens to include grapes and walnuts. (My wife knew that, not me.) Of course, we all knew that the walnuts would have...

I have been giving a weekly shiur on Sefer Chafeitz Chaim for some time. Just last night, we finished the sefer. Minutes after the shiur  concluded, I received two different emails inviting me to online presentations about the Chafeitz Chaim, whose yarhtzeit is today, 24 Elul. Amazing coincidence, no? The last syef, 15, of the last siman, 9, of Hilchos רכילות, which follows a slightly larger section on Hilchos לשון הרע, begins with an all too common scenario that the Chafeitz Chaim uses to demonstrate just have fast and how deeply a relatively parve situation can dive into the murky waters of רכילות ולשון הרע. Near the end of that example, the saintly Chafeitz Chaim explains how one should act in that situation. Then, for the last paragraph, the closing thought and message, that same saintly Chafetz Chaim seems to take a sharp left turn. ודע/Now know that everything we have written in this sefer regarding the great care one must take to stay away from the sin of לשון הרע is re...

Have I mentioned how fortunate I feel to be learning in the Peterson Park Kollel? The mishna in Avos (4:2) says it is better to be the tail of a lion than the head of a fox. Besides all the talmidei chachamim who learn full time, there are lots of ba'alei batim (talmidei chachamim in their own rights) who spend a portion of their day in the kollel. In the mashal, I am barely the tip of the tail of the lion; and I feel very fortunate to be there. As one of those ba'alei batim was leaving, he left me with a question: Why don't we say thank you to HaShem on Rosh HaShannah for everything that He has done for us since last Rosh HaShannah! I had an inkling of an answer, but the question was so good that I just wanted to enjoy it for a while. I thanked him as he was running out and then I spent some time contemplating that apparent gaping omission. The truth is, the Mishna Brura, siman 112, addresses that question from a different angle. In shmone esrei, we are allowed (and encour...

We live in a world of GUIs -- graphical user interfaces. I grew up in a world of CLIs -- command line interfaces. I like CLIs. You tell the computer what to do; it does it. Simple. GUIs are, well, gooey. The programmer decided the best way for you to accomplish your task, and now it is his way or the highway. Just follow the rules, push the right buttons and you'll be fine. (Let's be honest  -- there are no buttons; just spots on the screen where that same arrogant programmer put a graphic of a button.) Sometimes, though, even that GUI expert has to come down off his high horse and actually explain something. That, I find, is when a lot of problems start. People are so used to "touch and swipe" that they read some of the words. Then when something goes wrong, they exclaim, "Hey! My phone isn't working! Why did it do that?" As bad as it is to skim the words in a pop-up alert, it is nothing compared to skimming a Biur Halacha. I think it is fair to say tha...

When we first moved to Dallas, we told the rabbi, Rabbi Aryeh Rodin, shilta, that we would like to "upgrade" our level of kashrut to the community standards. That is, we felt we were keeping kosher (we were not, of course), but wanted to be sensitive to other people's (in our mind, unnecessary) stringencies. You know, stringencies like looking for a hechsher when the ingredients on the label seemed just fine. Buying kosher cheese, even though we knew it was made with vegetable rennet. You know, stringencies. Rabbi Rodin came over and started by telling us, "There is nothing magic or mystical about kashering. The basic rule is that you get it out the same way it got in. Pots that always used with liquid for cooking, were to be kashered with hot water. Something that was used with dry heat -- like a roasting pan and the oven grates -- had to be kashered with (high) dry heat. Simple. I was very impressed and it changed my perspective on kashrus and the kashrus industry....

Let's take a look at the annual cycle we experience. The Three Weeks culminating in Tisha b'Av itself are accompanied by three special haftaras reminding us of our situation. Following that we have seven Shabbosim of consolation, also with their special haftaras; so special, in fact, that they even override the haftara for Rosh Chodesh Elul. We then have the Days of Awe; ten days of repentance beginning with Rosh HaShanna and concluding with Yom Kippur. Five days later, the season of our joy, Sukkos! Many years ago, I had the merit that R' Matisyahu Soloman, z"tzvk visited me at home; more on that visit in this TftD . I saw a two volume set of מתנת חיים, writings by R' Matisyahu Soloman, z"tzvk  on the 40 days from Rosh Chodesh Elul through Yom Kippur. Of course, I took a set right away. (I already have מתנת חיים on the Pesach Hagadah.) R' Solomon begins by noting that this annual cycle -- suffering and mourning, then consolation, then repentance and forgi...

Nothing can quite make you feel as old as quoting a comic strip that is unknown to your listener. When I spoke to a group of college students, I knew better than to refer to Doonesbury (even though it is still around). I thought I was safe, though, with Dilbert. Nope. Sigh... Anyway,  on strip that is spot has Alice, the female engineer, looking for a better position in the company. The rule in companies, by the way, is that when you want to promote an internal candidate to a new position, you often need to post it, just in case there are better qualified candidates than the one you want to promote. The idea is sound, but when the manager just words the requirements in such a way that only one person fits. In the Dilbert example, Alice reads the job description: near-sighted, has a red pickup truck, and answers to "Bob". Dilbert notes that "they probably have someone in mind"; Alice still contemplates if she could make it work. (I have seen -- and even written -- jo...

Before you start to wonder if I was abducted by aliens... No, I am still the guy who gets a haircut when his wife lets him know that he is not welcome in the house until he gets his haircut. It turns out, though, that committing to getting a haircut has serious halachic ramifications. The mishna (Shabbos 9b) starts with: A person may not sit down in front of the barber close to mincha until he davens. Rashi explains that "sit down in front of the barber" means "to get a haircut."  Let's think about that. Rashi did not get paid by the word. Rashi is everyone's rebbi in how to most succinctly explain a topic. We all marvel at how Rashi is able to open up and explain a topic with so few words. Rashi always is either pointing out an essential feature you may have missed or stopping you from heading down the wrong path. I racked my brain trying to figure out what else I could have thought the mishna meant by "sitting down in front of the barber" other t...

I spent the majority of my childhood in the 1960s. They were tumultuous times. I was too young to be an active participant, but I was an observer and I have certainly seen how those events shaped history for decades to come. My wife and I were traveling through Memphis and decided to visit the National Civil Rights Museum , which takes you through the centuries of history and ends at the room in the Lorraine Motel where Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated. It was intense and enlightening on many levels. That Motzei Shabbos we wanted to visit the music district and we happened to get a Lyft driver who was a very nice black lady. She asked us about our stay. I mentioned the visit to the Civil Rights Museum. She asked about my impressions. (My wife was already nervous at that point.) I told her that I grew up in California where the schools were never segregated and how shocked I was by just how bad things had been in the South. I asked her if things are all good now? She said there ...

I was in St. Louis. We had a nice dinner at the local kosher Indian restaurant that was in the neighborhood near the shul. We got to our hotel on the other side of town; apparently השגחה was not operating when I chose the hotel. I got up in the morning to drive to the Agudah to daven k'vasikin alone, and then finish davening with a minyan. They don't have a vasikin minyan; oh well, I guess השגחה was still not operating. I set the destination into my GPS and started driving. Something seemed odd. The night before the GPS had taken us from the restaurant straight to the freeway and the hotel was just a couple of blocks from the exit. That morning, though, the route was along city streets for a while and then to the freeway. I decided to just double check that I had set the destination correctly. I pulled over a couple of intersections before the freeway entrance I was directed to take. Yup... destination correct, so I pushed "continue with trip" on GPS. The route had ch...