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Thought for the Day: It's the Three Weeks, So Saying Is שהחיינו Problematic; הטוב והמטיב Though... Quite the Opposite

Historical note for context: This event happened in 2020, just as shuls were starting to open for socially distant and masked davening.
 
When we first started "sheltering in" (nice, parve term for trying not to die and take others with us during this pandemic), I brought my shtender home. I literally cried as I walked with it out of the beis medrash that I had called home nearly every morning for three hours of davening, learning, and imbibing the ru'ach of the camaraderie of those whose sole focus is to daven in the best way possible.

Then came the time, Baruch HaShem, to return to davening together in my beloved beis medrash. (Lest you think the term "beloved" is overly dramatic, please note that I have davened there every morning that I am in town -- save a few weeks during chemotherapy and one Shabbos when I overslept -- since parshas Sh'lach of 1994. I have spent as many waking/productive hours there and nearly any other location.) One problem -- my wife really like the ambience our home had acquired by having a מקום קבוע/fixed place to daven. She, in fact, would daven there on Shabbos morning while I went to the vasikin minyan.

What to do? I needed (ok, wanted; no, needed) my shtender back in beis medrash with me. My lovely wife wanted a shtender in our home; it gave our home an enhanced יידישע טעם. A wife who wants something in the her home is a husband's need to make every effort to provide. Then the stimulus check came and we decided to buy a shtender for the house -- a real life example of זה נהנה וזה נהנה/everyone benefits. We got recommendations and found a craftsman who does extraordinary work -- Shtenders By Design. Expensive, yes; but there was some left of the stimulus check, and it was stimulating the economy, and ... need I gone on? Desire creates beautiful excuses.

We ordered it at the end of May; it arrived almost two months later; it's a heimisch place one man shop; no problem. Well, one problem: it arrived on 17 Tammuz, the first day of the Three Weeks... during which time we try not to make the bracha of שהחיינו. What now? I called the Chicago Beis Horaah -- (773)539-4141/info@midwestbaishoraah.org. I was told that I could just wait till Shabbos and make the שהחיינו then when I first used is Shabbos morning. Since it was Thursday, that didnt' seem like such a big deal to the rav.

Well.... I explained to the rav that the shtender was for both my wife and I and if she wants to use the shtender Shabbos morning while I am at vasikin. "Ah," said the rav, "so you are going to make the bracha of הטוב והמטיב and not שהחיינו!" Well, yes... but what difference does that make, I inquired.

The context here is that on good tidings -- winning the lottery, having a baby boy, getting a new shtender, etc -- the rule is: if it only benefits one person, the bracha is שהחיינו; if multiple people benefit, the bracha is הטוב והמטיב. New bicycle to commute to work, שהחיינו; new car for the family, הטוב והמטיב. Yes, this shtender was for both of us -- in fact, my wife probably uses it more than I do now that we are fully back at shul. Besides, it is a beautiful piece of furniture. Be that as it may, again I ask -- what does that have to do with the price of tea in China? We don't make that bracha during the Three Weeks except on Shabbos. Right?

The rav (patiently) explained to me that there is no issue with the concept of praising/thanking HaShem for good tidings during the Three Weeks. The problem is the wording of the bracha. The bracha of שהחיינו is all encompasing -- Who has granted us life, and sustained us, and brought us to this season/time. The Three Weeks are  difficult season in the Jewish calendar. It is neither sensitive to the even nor particularly respectful to the woeful events that still bring us heartache to this day (may we be redeemed from the long and harsh exile soon and in our lifetimes). It would be like Mrs. Lincoln saying, "Well, other than that, the seats were quite comfortable at the Ford Theater that night." On the other hand, the bracha of הטוב והמטיב simply means "Who is Good and Who does Good." Nothing disrespectful about that -- just the opposite: even though we are going through a rough patch, we acknowledge with joy that HaShem loves us and is going everything for our benefit.

Cool. So as soon as my wife got home, we opened the siddur on our beautiful new shtender and joyfully declared: Praised art Thou, King of the Universe, Who is Good and Who does Good! Amein!
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