As is well known, there a "Jewish sounding last names" mostly because they were given to us by the surrounding nation for their convenience and record keeping. That's why our last names tend to be where we came from, the family business, or our tribe (mostly -- maybe exclusively -- for kohanim and l'vi'im). For our own purposes, though, we prefer the Ploni son/daughter of Ploni/Plonisse. That is, we use the father's name (Ploni) for most things, including being called to the Torah and legal documents. We use the mother's name (Plonisse) pretty much exclusively when praying for Ploni's speedy recovery. (Note: Plonisse -- feminine of "Ploni"; Ploni's -- possessive form of Ploni; Plonis -- plural form of Ploni.)
I recently, however, found another place where the mother's name is used. I have been learning Bava Metzia on my own daf-weekly plan (not weekly by design, just by historical fact) and came to a sudden halt (well, at my pace, perhaps the phrase "sudden halt" is a bit of an overstatement) at the very top of the second side of folio 73 (daf 73b, in the parlance). The gemara there relates an incident with... רב מרי בר רחל/Rav Mari bar Rochel! He wasn't sick; that was his legal name. What's his back story? Rashi explains that רחל was the daughter of Shmuel (the great Shmuel of Rav and Shmuel fame!). רחל was captured and (forced to be) married to a goy. The goy eventually converted -- and was known as איסור גיורא/Issur the Convert, but only after רב מרי had been conceived. Halachically, therefore, רב מרי had no father. Out of respect for רב מרי, he was called by his mother's name.
I wanted to see how this plays out in practical halacha today, so I did a search for רב מרי בר רחל in Sefaria (very cool stuff, that) and found a פתחי תשובה on Shulchan Aruch, Even HaEzer 129, sk 23. There is really only one place that it really, really matters getting the name right... and that is on a גט/bill of divorce; and that's where this פתחי תשובה is. Runner up (only because the issues go from Torah to Rabbinic in nature) is on a כתובה/marriage contract. Bottom of the list is being called to the Torah; it's at the bottom because you can even be called up with a "hey, you! yeah; you!". You will also, therefore, find some naming stuff in siman 135 and the Mishna Brura there. (There is also what to do on a yarhtzeit, but that is even less important, so we basically to the same as when called to the Torah.)
So... how does it happen that we can't use the father's name? There are three ways:
I recently, however, found another place where the mother's name is used. I have been learning Bava Metzia on my own daf-weekly plan (not weekly by design, just by historical fact) and came to a sudden halt (well, at my pace, perhaps the phrase "sudden halt" is a bit of an overstatement) at the very top of the second side of folio 73 (daf 73b, in the parlance). The gemara there relates an incident with... רב מרי בר רחל/Rav Mari bar Rochel! He wasn't sick; that was his legal name. What's his back story? Rashi explains that רחל was the daughter of Shmuel (the great Shmuel of Rav and Shmuel fame!). רחל was captured and (forced to be) married to a goy. The goy eventually converted -- and was known as איסור גיורא/Issur the Convert, but only after רב מרי had been conceived. Halachically, therefore, רב מרי had no father. Out of respect for רב מרי, he was called by his mother's name.
I wanted to see how this plays out in practical halacha today, so I did a search for רב מרי בר רחל in Sefaria (very cool stuff, that) and found a פתחי תשובה on Shulchan Aruch, Even HaEzer 129, sk 23. There is really only one place that it really, really matters getting the name right... and that is on a גט/bill of divorce; and that's where this פתחי תשובה is. Runner up (only because the issues go from Torah to Rabbinic in nature) is on a כתובה/marriage contract. Bottom of the list is being called to the Torah; it's at the bottom because you can even be called up with a "hey, you! yeah; you!". You will also, therefore, find some naming stuff in siman 135 and the Mishna Brura there. (There is also what to do on a yarhtzeit, but that is even less important, so we basically to the same as when called to the Torah.)
So... how does it happen that we can't use the father's name? There are three ways:
- There is no (halachic) father; as in the case of רב מרי בר רחל.
- A baby is found in a Jewish street (so we know it is Jewish) or an unwed mother shows up with a baby and doesn't know (or won't say) who the father is. In this case we know there is a Jewish father, we just don't know who it is.
- The father has, רחמנא ליצלן, gone "off the derech". In this case there is a Jewish father, and we even know who it is, but it is embarrassing to the son to be called by his name.
Bottom line. On a גט: the Jew's name in case (1) will refer to the mother's name; the Jew in case (2) will use only his name with no attribution so that we don't think he is a case (1) Jew; the Jew in case (3) will use the father's name (it's a document for identification, so embarrassment is not really an issue). On a כתובה: Jew in case (1) and (3) is the same. Jew in case (2) will use the mother's father's name. Being called to the Torah: (1) and (2) definitely use mother's father's name. For the case (3) Jew, though, it depends. If he is already known by his (of the derech) father's name, then we use that; otherwise we use the father's father's name; whichever will be less embarrassing.
Just as a point of mussar/chizuk: even that great Shmuel was not able to protect his daughter from being captured and forced to marry a goy. Nowadays, where we are absolutely inundated with foreign influence infused deep into our homes... is it any wonder that there is almost no family that has not had a child captured by those influences? But a child, or sometimes a grandchild, or a great-grandchild can and will come back. There is no embarrassment in not being FFB; some of our greatest sages -- R' Akiva (son of a convert) and רב מרי בר רחל (fathered by a goy), to name just two -- were not FFB; and where would Klal Yisrael be without them?
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