I want to have a relationship with my grandchildren. (There are lots of people with whom I'd like to have a relationship, actually, but I feel I have a chance with my grandchildren.) When they are very young, I develop that relationship by finding things they like and providing that. Ice cream, tickles, rides on my shoulders; whatever it takes. When they get a little older, I look for games and books they they like. They are interested in the book or game, I am interested developing the relationship with them. At some point, they also become interested in having a relationship with me, so they will look for things I like; artwork and divrei Torah, for example. They know with 100% clarity that I love them and want a relationship with them (they have never, after all, experienced anything different from me).
At this point, you may ask (ok, probably not... but I wondered to myself) why we still need those games/books/artwork/divrei Torah? The answer (likely obvious to you, but took me some time to work out) is that the games/books/artwork/divrei Torah mediate our relationship. That is, those games/books/artwork/divrei Torah were used to build a relationship, but have developed into the language in which we express our relationship. It's the way we say "I love you" to each other without using those words. More than that, it is the way we express that love in a deeply meaningful way.
I started this series of TftDs on prayer (I, II, III, IV, V) with a simple question: what sense would it make to repeat over a fixed text of praise, needs, and thanks to my boss thrice daily, day after day after day after... The answer, obviously, is that it makes no sense. We then developed how Jewish prayer works. To cap the whole thing off, though, let's appreciate that the question was the wrong question. Prayer does, indeed, look like a fixed text of praise, needs, and thanks; but that is a fundamental misunderstanding. Prayer, analogously to those games/books/artwork/divrei Torah with my grandchildren is, ultimately, actually saying "I love You", to HaShem.
Prayer is that vehicle -- and must be that vehicle -- because we are the Creation and He is the Creator. Everything we are, everything we need, everything we want -- in fact our existence, the need itself, and even the desire itself -- ultimately comes directly from our Creator. Our relationship is perforce one of flow from Him to us. There is only one thing we can give Him -- our recognition that our very existence depends on Him; and that recognition is mediated by praise/requests/thanks.
We have three obligatory prayer services each day. That is HaShem opening up a relationship with us. Then (see Shulchan Aruch, O. Ch 107) HaShem offers of the opportunity of תפילת נדבה/bring a prayer as a donation. There are two rules to תפילת נדבה. One, you must have intention and keep focus on each and every word. Second, you must make some innovation in the תפילת נדבה prayer. That usually takes the form of a new request, but it can also be to cover for a possible deficiency in the obligatory prayer. (Not a real deficiency, as that would require repeating the obligatory prayer.)
The innovation, explains the Mishna Brura, is to demonstrate that this is not an obligatory prayer, but your mind is wholly on offering a prayer as a donation. The Mishna Brura (sk 4 and in the Biur Halacha) says that even if you don't specifically have in mind that this prayer is either obligatory or for a donation, as long as you have an innovation, it counts for a donation.
I understand the Mishna Brura to be saying this: HaShem first opens up the relationship with you with the obligatory prayer. At some point, you may be inspired to want to initiate a communication on your own, so you look for something you need or want and use that as permission to offer a תפילת נדבה. Then you may be further inspired to not even want the communication, but simply to want the relationship with HaShem itself. Now the תפילת נדבה becomes a medium to express that relationship; you still need some innovation, but no you are no longer using the תפילת נדבה to be able to express the innovation, rather the innovation is used to allow you to express the תפילת נדבה.
That first condition -- requiring intention and focus on each and every word -- puts the bar pretty high, but that the price of love that is infinite and eternal.
At this point, you may ask (ok, probably not... but I wondered to myself) why we still need those games/books/artwork/divrei Torah? The answer (likely obvious to you, but took me some time to work out) is that the games/books/artwork/divrei Torah mediate our relationship. That is, those games/books/artwork/divrei Torah were used to build a relationship, but have developed into the language in which we express our relationship. It's the way we say "I love you" to each other without using those words. More than that, it is the way we express that love in a deeply meaningful way.
I started this series of TftDs on prayer (I, II, III, IV, V) with a simple question: what sense would it make to repeat over a fixed text of praise, needs, and thanks to my boss thrice daily, day after day after day after... The answer, obviously, is that it makes no sense. We then developed how Jewish prayer works. To cap the whole thing off, though, let's appreciate that the question was the wrong question. Prayer does, indeed, look like a fixed text of praise, needs, and thanks; but that is a fundamental misunderstanding. Prayer, analogously to those games/books/artwork/divrei Torah with my grandchildren is, ultimately, actually saying "I love You", to HaShem.
Prayer is that vehicle -- and must be that vehicle -- because we are the Creation and He is the Creator. Everything we are, everything we need, everything we want -- in fact our existence, the need itself, and even the desire itself -- ultimately comes directly from our Creator. Our relationship is perforce one of flow from Him to us. There is only one thing we can give Him -- our recognition that our very existence depends on Him; and that recognition is mediated by praise/requests/thanks.
We have three obligatory prayer services each day. That is HaShem opening up a relationship with us. Then (see Shulchan Aruch, O. Ch 107) HaShem offers of the opportunity of תפילת נדבה/bring a prayer as a donation. There are two rules to תפילת נדבה. One, you must have intention and keep focus on each and every word. Second, you must make some innovation in the תפילת נדבה prayer. That usually takes the form of a new request, but it can also be to cover for a possible deficiency in the obligatory prayer. (Not a real deficiency, as that would require repeating the obligatory prayer.)
The innovation, explains the Mishna Brura, is to demonstrate that this is not an obligatory prayer, but your mind is wholly on offering a prayer as a donation. The Mishna Brura (sk 4 and in the Biur Halacha) says that even if you don't specifically have in mind that this prayer is either obligatory or for a donation, as long as you have an innovation, it counts for a donation.
I understand the Mishna Brura to be saying this: HaShem first opens up the relationship with you with the obligatory prayer. At some point, you may be inspired to want to initiate a communication on your own, so you look for something you need or want and use that as permission to offer a תפילת נדבה. Then you may be further inspired to not even want the communication, but simply to want the relationship with HaShem itself. Now the תפילת נדבה becomes a medium to express that relationship; you still need some innovation, but no you are no longer using the תפילת נדבה to be able to express the innovation, rather the innovation is used to allow you to express the תפילת נדבה.
That first condition -- requiring intention and focus on each and every word -- puts the bar pretty high, but that the price of love that is infinite and eternal.
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