For many years now (decades, actually... wow!), we have been getting together with close friends on Shabbos after the vasikin minyan to make kiddush, have a bite to eat—sometimes just pastries, chips, and stuff, sometimes a full-blown s'uda. In any case, the one who makes kiddush has always sat for the kiddush ceremony. One week, he stood. Why he did that, what our response was—and what it should have been (our halachic response, I mean... we were all a bit taken by surprise), what the different parts of the kiddush service are, and why people do different things are all, b'ezras HaShem, topics we'll cover in this TftD. Strap in.
The kiddush ceremonies on Friday night and Shabbos are somewhat different. Friday night fulfills a Torah obligation and is beautified with Rabbinic enhancements. We start with a declaration/testimony that HaShem created the world in six and then capped it all off with Shabbos, aka וַיְכֻלּ֛וּ. We then proceed with the actual kiddush blessing, which ends: מקדש השבת/ Who sanctifies the Shabbos, followed by the bracha before drinking wine, בורא פרי הגפן. Then, without further ado, we drink the wine. (At least the one making kiddush or his designee, but usually everyone imbibes at least a sip of the precious liquid.)
Shabbos morning is entirely of Rabbinic origin. In fact, the entire Rabbinically ordained sanctification ceremony consisted solely of the bracha, בורא פרי הגפן. (Sigh... yes, I know some people use schnapps instead of wine. Not our topic. It is usually a mistake. But that is not our topic.) Those verses before and (ahem) partial verses we recite before the bracha are just to shmaltz it up a bit. (I often talk during those verses—at the advice of the Aruch HaShulchan—to make a point of demonstrating that those verses are not part of kiddush. (I once had a parent ask me to not speak during those verses because they were trying to teach their children about kiddush. I replied cheerfully, "So am I." You can imagine how that went.)
What is with the sitting and standing? We have two competing factors here. On the one hand, when you make a bracha of praise or on a mitzvah, then it is respectful to stand. After all, you are standing in front of the King of the Universe, our Creator, our Father, and you want to tell Him how much you appreciate what He has done for you. One-on-one, directly, using first-person singular. On the other hand, when making a bracha as an inauguration to a formal meal—at which you surely will be sitting—you should be sitting when making the bracha. (Truth be told, whenever you are making a bracha to eat something, it is respectful to sit. After all, if your mom made you something special that she knows you like, you'd sit and say thank you, wouldn't you?) There is a third factor: Testimony is always given standing. That is a more explicit factor Friday night, but also plays out for Shabbos day.
Of course you know what we do when there are competing factors driving the final decision of how to act: we do all of them; some this way, some that. Generally speaking, each person should conduct himself according to his family custom. Don't have one? CYLOR.
Now... what about when someone else is being motzi you in kiddush?
This has nothing to do with anything except a cute story about my granddaughter. For al hamichya, my wife and I have the custom that I say the bracha for both of us after we have a snack together. My granddaughter was with us, so I asked her if she wanted me to bentch for her. She said, "Sure!" Then walked away to play her videogame. I said she needed to listen and answer amen. She said, with a huge smile, "Oh.... I thought you were going to bentch for me!" She's adorable.
So when one person is being motzi a group in kiddush, the group conducts themselves according to the way the one making the bracha conducts himself. If he stands, you stand. When he sits, you sit. Why? There doesn't seem to be any clear consensus on that. When I asked R' Fuerst, he just said it was out of respect. I asked another talmid chacham and he suggested קביעות/showing you are part of the group.
I suggested a novel approach: There is a whole siman in Shulchan Aruch about how to conduct oneself properly at a meal: סימן ק''ע -- דברי מוסר שינהג אדם בסעודה In the fifth subsection there you will find הַנִּכְנָס לְבַיִת, כָּל מַה שֶּׁיֹּאמַר לוֹ בַּעַל הַבַּיִת יַעֲשֶׂה/Upon entering a house, whatever the master of the house says to do, you should do. This is not exactly "saying to do something," but it is certainly in that spirit. I spoke with yet another talmid chacham, and he told me that was certainly a reasonable suggestion.
In any case, that is the halacha. What about our case, where the מקדש did something totally unexpected and different than he has make kiddush before? I decided I should stand up also. My reasoning was, "He must have a good reason." My wife also stood, as she reasoned, "If my husband is standing, I should also." I confirmed with R' Fuerst that we both made the right decision.
But here is an interesting twist: Why did he stand that Shabbos? He was having leg cramps and was worried that if he sat, his leg might cramp at just the wrong time and he wouldn't be able to complete the bracha. Ah... so I again consulted the dayan about the proper behavior. The dayan said that even in that situation, it was proper to stand. However, the מקדש is making kiddush—for, apparently, whatever reason—it is proper for those he is being motzi to follow suit.
I feel it only proper to note that regardless of what the מקדש and what those he is being motzi do, as long as he has intention to motzi them and they have in mind for him to motzi them, you are good to go and everyone is yotzei kiddush. But where's the fun in that?
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