Thought for the Day: Why, Yes; I Am a Rabbinic Student -- But if You Want to Discuss That, I Need to Ask a Favor of You

After I retold one of my stories regarding being frum in the workplace, a dear friend asked why I have so many stories and he has none. I tried: Well, I was 40-ish years in the workplace as a frum person and I have -- let's say -- eight stories; which is only two story worthy events per year. He replied, "I have 15 years and no stories." Ah. One additional difference is that I have (nearly) always worked in places where I am the only frum Jew, whereas he has worked for a company owned and operated by a frum Jew with lots of frum Jews around. That is true and certainly significant.

The largest factor though, is likely that I am not shy about expressing my opinions. In fact, as a scientist I know and and trained that the path to Truth is healthy debate. That is one reason I post these divrei Torah. For a few years as I was still struggling with what I really believed and why, I would seek out intelligent people who held opinions contrary to my own. I wasn't trying to convert them, but simply understand their arguments to know if I could honestly answer the argument. As an aside: I was much more successful in finding intelligent and rational believing Christians than non-Orthodox Jews. Many of the Christians had well developed and sensible arguments. Most non-Orthodox Jews are just ignorant of their own beliefs. I don't recall finding an intelligent and rational atheist, try as I might. (Not to say they were not intelligent and rational in other areas, but when it came to beliefs they pretty much all felt, "There is no Truth about religion and spirituality; whatever you do is fine." (There is not an eye-rolling emoji big enough nor explicit enough to encapsulate my answer to that ridiculous notion.)

Then, last Sunday night, flying home from Florida by myself, this happened. I am more or less entirely innocent in this! Since I was flying alone, I just let them choose my seat. I had a window seat near the back of the plane. I arrived to my row and found a provocatively dressed young lady sitting in the aisle seat. I said excuse me and said I was in the window seat, unless she would prefer the window seat. "Actually I would! I just want to sleep and that would be perfect." I thanked her and told her I was not talkative anyway so she should be fine. Problem solved! The provocatively dressed young lady is curled up toward the window to sleep, I am on the aisle seat, and the middle seat is empty. Thank you, HaShem!

Turns out, HaShem was just setting me up. I pulled out my mishnayos to spend the next three hours learning. That's when I heard, from the window, "Hey.... are you a rabbinic student?" I haven't been called a "student" in decades, so I took a moment to answer. "Yes, I am a rabbinic student and actually a rabbi." Before window seat could say anything else, I hear from the row ahead of us, "Hi, Dr. Allen!" Window seat said, "Dr?" "Yes, he was my physics professor in college." Window seat is beside herself, "You are religious and have a Ph.D. in physics?" "Well, yes... but I wasn't religious when I got my Ph.D. I studied to be a rabbi after that while I was working as a programmer." Window seat cannot contain herself, "I am a conservative Jew and I have so many questions, like why do five year old children suffer and die, and no one has been able to answer me. Can I ask you?"

We spent the next hour discussing her most difficult philosophical issues about G-d and religion. As it turns out, her definition of "conservative Jew" translated to "Jew who believes there is something special about Judaism, but really has no clue." None of her questions required anything deeper than noting that the soul is eternal and we were created to live forever in Olam HaBah and this world is where we earn our place there. Mesilas Yesharim and Derech HaShem 101. I am happy to tell you, dear reader, more about that another time if you are interested in how I handle those questions. After an hour, she said, "Wow... that is a lot to think about! I need to process all that." End of the conversation, not the end of the story.

I told you she was dressed provocatively, which is why I was very happy that she was turned toward the window. What I didn't mention -- because it was irrelevant till now -- is that she was wearing a low cut top and an open denim jacket. Having her facing the window and sleeping was the best option for me. But now she wants to face me and talk. Not about the weather and politics, but real divrei Torah. A Jewish man is not allowed to discuss divrei Torah while facing a lady dressed like that. For weather, politics, and renting a car, all I have to do is avert my eyes. Not trivial, but certainly manageable. For divrei Torah, though, I can't be facing a lady dressed like that. (Yes, I double checked with R' Fuerst. I had no choice and what follows was the only halachically viable option.)

I said, "I am happy to discuss those topics with you. But I can't discuss those topics unless you close your jacket."

Are you gasping now? I was holding my breath. In order to continue this conversation, I had no choice. I was prepared for two options, either would solve the problem. One, she gets annoyed, says things like "how dare you judge me", turns away in disgust and fumes while she falls asleep. Two, she could grudgingly close her jacket, ask a question or two, say a quick thank you, then turn away to stew while she falls asleep. Either way; problem solved.

Instead she said, "Oh, absolutely!", buttoned her jacket up to the top, and launched into a very intense conversation about bad things happening to good people and the success of evil people. By the end she was mentally exhausted as she experienced a completely new way to view the world.

What was her name? I don't know. This was not meet and greet nor a personal conversation at all. She had real questions and was honestly seeking answers. I did the best I could.

Why was her reaction to my request so fitting and positive? Maybe because I said I was a rabbi. Maybe because I am old. Maybe because I said "this topic" and she has some feeling for holiness. I don't know; it was likely a combination of at least those factors. In any case, I felt I had faced a difficult challenge and had responded correctly. Besides, after that hour I was wide awake and likely learned mishnayos with more enthusiasm that I otherwise would have. Win win.