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Thought for the Day: Priorities -- Learning, Davening, Shmoozing, etc etc etc

I recently (that is, relative to when I wrote this; check the publication date) wrote about an insight I had a few minutes before I started by learning for Shas4Shidduchim 5784. The idea was, essentially, that since I had made a stretch goal commitment of folios of gemara that I needed to learn over the next 24 hours, I was very much feeling each passing minute and keeping a mental record of whether I was on/ahead/behind schedule.

I saw a friend with whom I really wanted to catch up, but realized that would put me (further) behind schedule. Then I thought, "Hey... what do I think that I usually have all the time in the world." That was the gist.

Some of my best friends took umbrage and noted that saying hello and even shmoozing can be positive. In fact, to be religious about it: דרך ארץ קדמה לתורה/proper behavior precedes the Torah. So... am I wrong? I think not, but I believe that I have not communicated the idea clearly. (It could also be due to my personality. No... it definitely is largely due to my "personality";  I am not known as a shmoozer.)

Let me preface my remarks with a story about my father, ע''ה. My dad was an engineer turned tool salesman in his mid thirties. New to the business, he tried to help his customers make good decisions. He always tried talking them out of buying more toolbox than they could afford. He had mixed results and finally decided they were going to do whatever they wanted, so it may as well be him they bought from.

Then intent, clearly, was: A mechanic needs to keep his tools safe, so he needs a toolbox. A mechanic who buys lots of tools and just carries them around in a bag just doesn't understand the value of anything; I wouldn't hire him. A mechanic with a big, beautiful toolbox and one screwdriver is just foolish; I wouldn't hire him.

So too דרך ארץ. Someone who learns without having דרך ארץ is like the skeleton who walked into Starbucks; he ordered a latte and a mop. Someone with דרך ארץ and no Torah... well.

And that's what I meant. At Shas4Shidchim we had all signed up to complete a certain number of daf within 24 hours in the designated beis medrash. It was in the front of our minds how much time that would take and how much time we had for eating, sleeping, shmoozing, etc. It wouldn't be surprising for someone to answer, "I'd love to catch up, but let's schedule some time for that; right now I have previous commitments." What about  a "regular" day? In reality, it might be worse -- I don't even know how many dapim HaShem expects from me! Nor how much halacha, nor sleeping, nor greeting friends, nor ... I should be very nervous!

So when someone asks me if I want to shmooze (not often, as I am clearly known to be schmoozing-challenged), I try to quickly run through where I am and what has to be done that day, and how much this person needs the shmooze, etc. Let me end with two examples where to shmooze or even to say hello would itself be a breach of דרך ארץ.  When Jews come with green cards collecting. I confirm they have the green card, but I don't read it. If they think it is important enough, then who am I to judge? I also don't want to waste their time. As they are only getting a dollar (usually), they usually want to get moving as soon as possible. A second, those of us who arrive early to beis medrash every day rarely acknowledge each other. We would all take a bullet for the other and if someone doesn't show up, none of us can relax till we know he is ok. We all have extreme דרך ארץ for each other

In case you'd like more on that topic, I wrote this a few years ago: HaShem gets to set my priorities.

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