Thought for the Day: Why Is There a Book of Sins for Which We Have Been Forgiven and Pardoned?

I mean, really, wouldn't we just as soon move forward? Of course we need to make the necessary changes and ask for forgiveness and pardon. But once we have done that, let's drop it already. Can you imagine sitting down with your spouse or child every morning, pulling out that book (again) and starting your day with, "Well... let's review all of the awful things you have done to me, but for which I have forgiven you."

Yet, in the Avinu Malkeinu we say twice a day during the 10 days of repentance, we actually plead -- oh, please write us into Your book of things for which we have been forgiven and pardoned. The phrase "written in a book" means that it is constantly/permanently at the front, so to speak, of HaShem's mind.

I saw this question in the sefer K'dushas Levi. (I mentioned to my son-in-law that I had a copy and he suggested I look at the section on Rosh HaShanah -- I am so glad I did.) As is well known, תשובה/repentance comes in two flavors:

1. תשובה מיראה/repentance stemming from fear
2. תשובה מאהבה/repentance from love
   

There is a world of difference in the response to these two forms of תשוב; both a beautiful gift from the Creator, but qualitatively worlds apart. When we do תשובה מיראה, then the mistakes we made are erased and the intentional sins we committed are considered as mere reckless mistakes. When we do תשובה מאהבה, however, our intentional transgressions are elevated to be actual merits for us! (How/why that works is beyond the scope of this TftD. Nonetheless, that is what Chazal tell us.)

Now... and this is the really cool part. Till Yom Kippur we are in the תשובה מיראה stage, so we do what we can to distance ourselves from our sins. We even metaphorically cast - תשליך - them into the sea. After Yom Kippur and leading into Sukkos, on the other hand, we are in the תשובה מאהבה stage. That means all of our intentional sins are transformed into merits! Now we want those sins. Where are they? Written in a book, which can now be read with joy because it is filled with all the things -- large and small -- that we have done to endear ourselves to our Creator! Isn't that gorgeous!

But there is more: Chazal bring a seemingly trivial event to explain to us how light it was at night in Yerushalayim during the days of Simchas Beis HaShoeva -- a woman was choosing wheat kernels by that light. Not so trivial, says R' Yitzchak Berdichiv -- "woman" is a code name for the שכינה הקדושה/Divine Presence. And what is she choosing?  חטים/wheat -- which are the letters (close enough for kabala) of "חטא ים" -- the sins of the sea. In other words, those sins that we cast away into the water before Yom Kippur -- because that was the appropriate thing to do then, are now being gathered back to stand in our merit.

There is so much here -- from taking the words of our prayers at face value and not as mere poetry, to realizing that even our simple customs are founded on deep principles, to noting that even the most trivial stories brought by Chazal are anything but trivial.