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Thought for the Day: My Resolution for the New Year -- To Be More Careful with Lashon HaRa, I am Starting by Being Less Irritable

Sefer Shmiras HaLashon says there are seven main terrible midos that bring a person to say לשון הרע, and they can be remembered with the simple and pithy acronym: כל גיהנם/All Hell. Let's take them one at a time.

The first three -- כעס/Anger, ליצנות/Derision/Mocking, and גאווה/Pride and Arrogance -- don't really need any elucidation. They are the triumvirate of bad midos, so you can just add לשון הרע to the list of despicable crimes that they encourage.

Next on the list and basically two sides of the same coin are ייאוש/Despair and הפקר/Neglected. Both of these lead one to remove any thought of constraining one's speech. One side of the coin is, "There are so many ways to get caught in the trap of speaking לשון הרע, I just know that I won't be able to avoid it; so why even try?" The other side says, "I really don't see anyone at all being careful with there speech. It must be one of those extra credit, super-frum things! That certainly isn't me!" The answer to both can be answered with a simple משל/thought experiment -- You picked an apple from a tree and after the first bite found the apple was full of little worms. Are you now going to eat the rest of the apple just because you already ate some worms in the first bite?! Aren't you going to be careful with the next apple, even though everyone around you is eating them without checking?

[Aside: Maybe you should find a different group to hang  out with. Just saying.]

Let's skip to the last one:  מותר/Defamation with extreme prejudice. There are times when it is not only permissible, but even the fulfillment of a positive commandment from the Torah to say לשון הרע about someone. Unfortunately, though, people are very quick on the draw to convince themselves that the person about whom they want to gossip certainly falls into that category. "That dude? Totally permissible -- even a mitzvah -- to say Lashon HaRa about him!" As R' Fuerst has said, people do call him about the permissibility of saying Lashon HaRa regarding shiduchim, but never while having coffee with a neighbor.

Now... regarding first three -- כעס/Anger, ליצנות/Derision/Mocking, and גאווה/Pride and Arrogance -- I know, I know... I am working on them. Regarding the last three -- ייאוש/Despair, הפקר/Neglected, and מותר/Defamation with extreme prejudice -- I am actually making good and steady progress.

What's the נ in כל גיהנם -- what's that? נרגנות/Irritability. What? That's it? How did that one even get in the list. I mean, yeah, when I am irritable and something doesn't go exactly my way, sure I get my feathers ruffled. Sure, I start complaining about the situation. Sure, I come to thinking about the person who caused this. Sure I start to complain about that person... ohhh.... oops. What do you know; irritability really can lead to saying lashon hara. On the other hand, being less irritable is really something I may be able to achieve. Certainly a stretch goal, but just as certainly in the realm of possibility!

So that's how I decided to make my resolution for the new year. I will work diligently to be more careful with lashon hara. How? I will be less irritable, בעזרת השם.

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