If, chas v'shalom, I saw a friend leaning over a stove and his tie dangerously close to the flame, I would shout out immediately that he should move back. If it was on fire already, I wouldn't hesitate to even grab him away from the fire to save him. So why am I not to zealous when it comes time to stop lashon hara or point out that a certain hechsher is suspect? Somehow whether my friend will be upset with me is such a big factor, when it was not even an issue with the burning tie! Aren't the fires of gehinom much hotter and more damaging?
I think that often when I give tochacha or mussar, I am really showing off how much I know rather than saving my friend from those fires. If I were to focus more on really feeling myself how dangerous and painful a transgression is then my reproof would come out differently. My friend, feeling that I am truly protecting his well being will also take it differently. Of course, the best proof that I have my friend's best interest at heart is when I am even more careful with myself in that same area. In fact, maybe that's the only real proof.
I think that often when I give tochacha or mussar, I am really showing off how much I know rather than saving my friend from those fires. If I were to focus more on really feeling myself how dangerous and painful a transgression is then my reproof would come out differently. My friend, feeling that I am truly protecting his well being will also take it differently. Of course, the best proof that I have my friend's best interest at heart is when I am even more careful with myself in that same area. In fact, maybe that's the only real proof.
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