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Please no more, "Well, the main thing is to make her comfortable"

4/9/06 7:56 AM

This post is very politically incorrect; you have been warned. I really didn't want to hear one more time, "the main thing is to keep her comfortable". Comfort in this world is *not* the main thing; it is not even a goal. Comfort is sometimes a means to a desired goal, but sometimes being uncomfortable is the appropriate means. In fact, sometimes the discomfort itself *is* the only way to get where you want to go. When is that? When you want to grow, become better, stronger, more than you were before. That effort can never be anything but uncomfortable.

Therefore, my conclusion is that the drive for comfort is motivated by an underlying hypothesis that this particular life is no longer worth living. I reject that hypothesis without reservation. No moment of life, not breath, is ever a waste; it is always worth it. Life is not always comfortable; in fact, it rarely is. How dare hospice or anyone else tell me that my mother's life is no longer worth living.

Moreover, how do they know that constant doses of morphine is making anyone comfortable anyway? Because the body is not moving and no groans are heard? That "goal" can be achieved with duct tape and cotton; but few would agree with that treatment of a sick person. You'll tell me we can study brain wave activity, or ask people who have awakened from anesthesia. I assert that line of reasoning is hopelessly flawed. Brain waves? When they can tell me what the person is thinking, feeling, or dreaming by looking at those squiggles, then maybe I'll pay attention. Reports by patients who have awakened from anesthesia? Who knows if the waking process produces a retrograde amnesia (as it seems to).

I am not saying that morphine doesn't make the patient comfortable... I am only saying I don't know and neither does hospice nor anyone else. Lets just stop being so confident that you understand the dying process or what is going on in the dying person's mind. My sister and I were holding Mom's hands when she died. You can't tell either one of us it was a mechanical, physical process. There was a decided change slightly before the body died, and it wasn't physical at all. One thing I do know; I wish I could spend more time with Mom.
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