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Almost a week.

It has been nearly a week. The surreality (is that a word?) of being is stating to wear off. I am very glad I started this writing. I couldn't write for a day or so after my mother's passing. The next day my wife encouraged (so to speak) me to stay home. I spent a lot of time writing that day. As I felt the tears well up, my natural reaction was to stifle it; but I forced myself to let the tears and weeping come. When I talked to others -- on the phone or in person -- I was able (with effort) to maintain myself. Alone I could let the feelings come, and the writing seemed to open doors. I am not cried out... but I think I can now allow myself that luxury when I need it.

At the same time I am planning a wedding. Well, to be honest, I am consutling occaisionally on the planning of my daughter's upcoming wedding. And, oh yes, Pesach is also coming. Trying to keep my head on work is verging on impossible. I am choosing tasks that are more mechanical... require less creative thought.

One more interesting turn... I am talking more with my extended family more. This morning I accidently called my niece. I apologized for waking her, as it was only 5:30AM for her. "Don't worry... the sun is almost up anyway", she joked. We ended up talking for nearly 20 minutes. Conversation that was much more than just "hi, how are you". My sister and I have exchanged more email in the last week than in the previous two decades. Mom constantly wished for her children to be closer, and we all had excuses why we weren't. We let the excuses and past hurts die with Mom.
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