Consider the following two scenarios. First scenario: mother is suggesting many delicious dishes to get her three year old to eat something nutritious. Older brother throws in some helpful (in his mind) suggestions of his own. Mother to "helpful" older brother: "I don't need your help co-parenting." Second scenario: Mother walks into living room to find three year old gleefully coloring on wall and same helpful older brother is sitting on couch reading. Mother to "helpful" older brother (while running to grab crayons from three year old): "Aaargh! Why didn't you stop her?!"
You can hear the older brother asking, "Sometimes you tell me not to get involved, sometimes you get mad at me for getting involved?! How I am supposed to know what to do?" Of course, I happen to know this particular older brother pretty well. Yes, he would say that (or words to that effect), but he knows exactly what he is doing. Nonetheless, it's a fair question. On the one hand, we have mitzvah of תוֹכֵחָה/reproof. On the other hand, we know that HaShem is ever present; who am I to "co-parent", as it were, with the Creator and Author of Reality?
The principle of כל ישראל ערבים זה לזה/every Jew is a guarantor one for the other is well known to us all; we rely on it almost daily to have one Jew enable another Jew to fulfill a mitzvah. Kiddush on Friday night is probably the most famous example. One of the classic explanations of this principle is that if another Jew has not fulfilled a mitzvah, then I have a responsibility to step in as a guarantor. I can therefore make kiddush for him, even if I have already fulfilled my personal obligation. However, the principle also applies to transgressions: if one Jew transgresses a prohibition, then I bear some of that responsibility for that transgression. How much? It depends.
I was in Jewel the other day and they were offering samples of a certain brand of beer, which I happen to know is not recommended by the CRC. There is nothing wrong visible from the ingredient list; the problem is that they lend out their brewing facilities (on days they are not brewing for themselves) to a company that makes a clam brew. I saw a Jew about to try a sample, and -- reasoning that this is not so well known except to us beer connoisseurs -- walked over an told him that the CRC does not recommend it. He tossed it out and thanked me.
This hasn't happened to me, but it's a nice hypothetical, for which we need a short introduction/background. Suppose I am standing shmone esrei and can't recall whether I am supposed to say a certain addition, or what to do if I forgot a required addition. The halacha is that I can do what I need to do to clarify my obligation. I can look in the back of the siddur, I can walk over to the bookcase to look through another sefer, I can even walk over the rav and ask him what I am supposed to do; then I go back and finish my shmone esrei. None of that is considered an interruption.
That's the background... now the hypothetical: Suppose I am standing shmone esrei, and I notice that another Jew standing shmone esrie is about to make a mistake that would necessitate him repeating the entire shmone esrei. Am I allowed to interrupt my own silent/standing shmone esrei to inform him? It seems pretty strange... but the logic of כל ישראל ערבים זה לזה would seem to mandate that I do what I can to prevent all those unnecessary brachos. In fact, one is allowed to interrupt his own shmone esrei by walking over, pointing, showing him a sefer, writing a note to him -- basically anything short of talking -- to help him avoid the mistake. (Yes, of course I confirmed with R' Fuerst. Where do you think I got all those details?)
I think considering the עֲרֵבוּת angle helps a lot with knowing when to say something, what to say, and how to say it. All of that, of course, is a moving target. My daughter would have been much more shocked if I had let my adorable granddaughter color on the walls than she was that her 10 year old son had. HaShem, so to speak, expects us to also take appropriate responsibility as we grow in knowledge and wisdom; and He certainly expects us to grow in knowledge and wisdom.
You can hear the older brother asking, "Sometimes you tell me not to get involved, sometimes you get mad at me for getting involved?! How I am supposed to know what to do?" Of course, I happen to know this particular older brother pretty well. Yes, he would say that (or words to that effect), but he knows exactly what he is doing. Nonetheless, it's a fair question. On the one hand, we have mitzvah of תוֹכֵחָה/reproof. On the other hand, we know that HaShem is ever present; who am I to "co-parent", as it were, with the Creator and Author of Reality?
The principle of כל ישראל ערבים זה לזה/every Jew is a guarantor one for the other is well known to us all; we rely on it almost daily to have one Jew enable another Jew to fulfill a mitzvah. Kiddush on Friday night is probably the most famous example. One of the classic explanations of this principle is that if another Jew has not fulfilled a mitzvah, then I have a responsibility to step in as a guarantor. I can therefore make kiddush for him, even if I have already fulfilled my personal obligation. However, the principle also applies to transgressions: if one Jew transgresses a prohibition, then I bear some of that responsibility for that transgression. How much? It depends.
I was in Jewel the other day and they were offering samples of a certain brand of beer, which I happen to know is not recommended by the CRC. There is nothing wrong visible from the ingredient list; the problem is that they lend out their brewing facilities (on days they are not brewing for themselves) to a company that makes a clam brew. I saw a Jew about to try a sample, and -- reasoning that this is not so well known except to us beer connoisseurs -- walked over an told him that the CRC does not recommend it. He tossed it out and thanked me.
This hasn't happened to me, but it's a nice hypothetical, for which we need a short introduction/background. Suppose I am standing shmone esrei and can't recall whether I am supposed to say a certain addition, or what to do if I forgot a required addition. The halacha is that I can do what I need to do to clarify my obligation. I can look in the back of the siddur, I can walk over to the bookcase to look through another sefer, I can even walk over the rav and ask him what I am supposed to do; then I go back and finish my shmone esrei. None of that is considered an interruption.
That's the background... now the hypothetical: Suppose I am standing shmone esrei, and I notice that another Jew standing shmone esrie is about to make a mistake that would necessitate him repeating the entire shmone esrei. Am I allowed to interrupt my own silent/standing shmone esrei to inform him? It seems pretty strange... but the logic of כל ישראל ערבים זה לזה would seem to mandate that I do what I can to prevent all those unnecessary brachos. In fact, one is allowed to interrupt his own shmone esrei by walking over, pointing, showing him a sefer, writing a note to him -- basically anything short of talking -- to help him avoid the mistake. (Yes, of course I confirmed with R' Fuerst. Where do you think I got all those details?)
I think considering the עֲרֵבוּת angle helps a lot with knowing when to say something, what to say, and how to say it. All of that, of course, is a moving target. My daughter would have been much more shocked if I had let my adorable granddaughter color on the walls than she was that her 10 year old son had. HaShem, so to speak, expects us to also take appropriate responsibility as we grow in knowledge and wisdom; and He certainly expects us to grow in knowledge and wisdom.
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