Michael el Chayil

Our wax candles are certainly a כלי שמלאכתו לאיסור , and therefore may be used to decorate a birthday cake on Shabbos . Let's take a step back, though. Would it be better to use something else? Candy letters, for example, to spell out "Happy Birthday, Yenta Malkie." But maybe you like the "candle look"; so how about crayons? Candies seem safest. Edible food is not even considered מוּקצֶה at all; you can move it around just for the heck of it. That is even more lenient than כלי שמלאכתו להיתר/a utensil whose main function is for a any activity that is permitted on Shabbos, which can only be moved if there is some need. That need can be as light as saving the tool/utensil from being ruined or stolen, but some need is required. Food and Holy Scripture (including halacha and gemara, whether in Hebrew or English), though, can be moved for no reason at all; just for the sheer pleasure of moving it. On the other hand, using candy letters carry an inherent danger of ...

Consider the following two scenarios. First scenario: mother is suggesting many delicious dishes to get her three year old to eat something nutritious. Older brother throws in some helpful (in his mind) suggestions of his own. Mother to "helpful" older brother: "I don't need your help co-parenting." Second scenario: Mother walks into living room to find three year old gleefully coloring on wall and same helpful older brother is sitting on couch reading. Mother to "helpful" older brother (while running to grab crayons from three year old): "Aaargh! Why didn't you stop her?!" You can hear the older brother asking, "Sometimes you tell me not to get involved, sometimes you get mad at me for getting involved?! How I am supposed to know what to do?" Of course, I happen to know this particular older brother pretty well. Yes, he would say that (or words to that effect), but he knows exactly  what he is doing. Nonetheless, it's a f...

As mentioned recently , I got an excellent lesson in the importance of keeping the fact of our eternal life in the forefront of consciousness. One thing that particularly struck me about that incident was my grandson's reason for usually not caring/taking glee in irritating his siblings; basically: why not? By the way, many years ago my daughter told me that -- as she was coming around a corner, but still out of their line of vision, though not out of earshot -- she heard that same grandson (three-ish, at the time) tell his older sister (four-ish): "Want to see mom get really mad?" She came around the corner just in time to see him upending a cup of orange juice on the table. I don't think he is much different that other boys in his actions; perhaps just a drop more self-aware/expressive. Moreover, I don't think this sentiment is unique to boys. Generally speaking, fear of punishment does not lead to improved character. It may lead to changes in behavior; though...

My oldest grandchildren in Florida are now old enough for me to be comfortable taking them to play in the ocean. The beach is just about a mile from their house, so it is also a nice walk. Unfortunately, though, the mode of dress by most of the natives is less than modest. Early in the morning, though, is generally safe and quite beautiful. I offered to walk with the oldest three (g12, b11, b 8) to the beach right after I finished davening k'vasikin; as is my minhag, even when traveling. Their mother had two conditions: (1) they also had to daven before going. (2) if they woke their younger siblings, then the game was up and it was their responsibility to babysit. "Thank you! No problem!" we all said. The next morning, I woke them to daven when I did. They all davened beautifully and quietly. As you might imagine, it takes me a bit longer to daven then it takes them. That time period was my main concern: between their finish time and mine. I did what I could (I davened ...