I have gotten as little notice as "ok, you are speaking" when arriving for Sheva Brachos. I have known as little about the chosson and/or kallah as knowing that the parents of one of them has worked with my wife. I don't mind, and I have always found something interesting to say (as evidenced by they fact the same group has asked me to speak yet again). However, it is always more enjoyable for me (and, I suspect, the listeners) when I have more time to prepare. It is certainly more enjoyable for me when I know the chosson and/or kallah. This past week I had the opportunity to speak at sheva brachos for a chosson whom I first carried to his bris and a kallah whose family I have known for years.
There is an interesting exchange in Shmuel between Shaul (just before he was anointed king) and a group of ladies. Shaul had never before met Shmuel, so he asks the ladies if he is in the right neighborhood. וַתַּעֲנֶינָה אוֹתָם וַתֹּאמַרְנָה/They answered them and they said (Shmuel 9:12). Of course there is not an extra word in the prophets. Why the double expression of "answererd" and "said"? They first answered the question; with, in fact, one word: יש/Yes. Then they started talking, and talking, and talking... two long verses of interesting information about Shmuel's agenda and some advice about when best to meet him and a backstory about why they are giving him that advice.
Our Sages give three reasons for this lengthy exchange: (1) women talk a lot; (2) Shaul had an impressive countenance and so they wanted more time to look at him; (3) it was not yet time for Shaul to be anointed, so he needed to be delayed for a few seconds. The first two statements are easily misunderstood, and I am as guilty as any (likely more so, in fact). On point (2), let us remember that the prophet is discussing important events. The prophet has no interest in discussing the behaviors of low people. On point (1), there is not a single extraneous word in our Holy Scripture.
At this point I addressed the chosson directly. By getting married, he is acquired for himself a great challenge: to always be a person who is impressive his wife. Not impressive to himself nor to his friends and colleagues; to his wife. A wife how sees you all the time; when you are prepared and when you are not; when you are "on your game" and when you are not.
Secondly, the fact that the prophet recorded all their words tells you really need to listen to your wife; every word. Yes, she will use a lot more words than you do. If you want to know what the women were saying to Shaul, go look at the Malbim, Radak, and Metzudos; all have quite discourse on their speech. (An aside: The Radak discusses an interesting halachic implication regarding brachos on animal sacrifices during a bread meal. Note that this exchange was centuries before the formal codification of brachos by the Anshei Knesses HaG'dola.) You may need a lot of thought and help to understand all of her words, but that is also your task.
Thirdly, she is not wasting your time. They said all those words because HaShem wanted Shaul delayed a few seconds. When you wife talks, listen patiently.
That was my message. Of course, my challenge is to listen to my own words.
There is an interesting exchange in Shmuel between Shaul (just before he was anointed king) and a group of ladies. Shaul had never before met Shmuel, so he asks the ladies if he is in the right neighborhood. וַתַּעֲנֶינָה אוֹתָם וַתֹּאמַרְנָה/They
Our Sages give three reasons for this lengthy exchange: (1) women talk a lot; (2) Shaul had an impressive countenance and so they wanted more time to look at him; (3) it was not yet time for Shaul to be anointed, so he needed to be delayed for a few seconds. The first two statements are easily misunderstood, and I am as guilty as any (likely more so, in fact). On point (2), let us remember that the prophet is discussing important events. The prophet has no interest in discussing the behaviors of low people. On point (1), there is not a single extraneous word in our Holy Scripture.
At this point I addressed the chosson directly. By getting married, he is acquired for himself a great challenge: to always be a person who is impressive his wife. Not impressive to himself nor to his friends and colleagues; to his wife. A wife how sees you all the time; when you are prepared and when you are not; when you are "on your game" and when you are not.
Secondly, the fact that the prophet recorded all their words tells you really need to listen to your wife; every word. Yes, she will use a lot more words than you do. If you want to know what the women were saying to Shaul, go look at the Malbim, Radak, and Metzudos; all have quite discourse on their speech. (An aside: The Radak discusses an interesting halachic implication regarding brachos on animal sacrifices during a bread meal. Note that this exchange was centuries before the formal codification of brachos by the Anshei Knesses HaG'dola.) You may need a lot of thought and help to understand all of her words, but that is also your task.
Thirdly, she is not wasting your time. They said all those words because HaShem wanted Shaul delayed a few seconds. When you wife talks, listen patiently.
That was my message. Of course, my challenge is to listen to my own words.
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